Breaking News: Reality is crumbling

The Daily Absurdity

Unfiltered. Unverified. Unbelievable.

Home/EU

Your Toaster is Fighting for Russia Now: The Joke of the Geran-5

Buck Valor
Written by
Buck ValorPersiflating Non-Journalist
Friday, January 23, 2026
Share this story
A gritty, satirical illustration of a broken drone in the snow. The drone has a Russian flag painted on the wing, but its open panel reveals circuit boards branded with American and European flags. In the background, vague silhouettes of businessmen in suits are exchanging cash while looking away. The style should be dark, cynical, and high-contrast.
(Original Image Source: theguardian.com)

Here we go again. Another day, another flying robot designed to kill people, and another reason to realize that the entire world is run by morons and liars. The news is out. Russia has a new toy. It is called the Geran-5. It is a drone. It flies very fast, it flies very far, and it blows things up. That is what drones do. But that is not the part that should make you sick. The part that should make you sick is what is inside the drone.

According to the people who pick through the trash after explosions—specifically the military intelligence guys in Ukraine—this new Russian death machine is full of parts from the West. That’s right. The same people telling you that we are “standing strong” against Russia are the ones whose companies made the chips and wires inside the thing attacking Ukraine. It also has Chinese parts, because of course it does. China sells to everyone. They don't pretend to have morals about it. But the West? We love to pretend.

Let’s break this down so even a politician could understand it. We have sanctions. We are told these sanctions are tough. We are told that Russia is cut off from technology. The suits in Washington and Brussels stand at podiums in their expensive ties and tell us, “We have stopped the flow of tech to the enemy.” They are lying to you. They are always lying to you. The wreckage of this Geran-5 was found in early January. It is real. It is sitting there in the cold mud, proving that global trade does not care about your little wars or your feelings.

How does this happen? It is simple. Greed is faster than any law. A company in Europe or America makes a computer chip. They sell it to a guy in a neutral country. That guy sells it to another guy. That guy puts it in a box and ships it to Russia. Everyone gets paid. The company back home pretends they didn't know. The politicians pretend the system works. And then that chip gets put inside a high-speed drone that screams across the sky to blow up a building in Kyiv. It is a perfect circle of stupidity.

Now, let's talk about the drone itself. The experts—and I use that word loosely because experts are usually just people who guess for a living—say the Geran-5 is a "serious threat." No kidding. It is a bomb with wings that goes really fast. Of course it is a threat. They say it flies much faster than the old ones. This is bad news for Ukraine. Their air defense is already tired. They are running low on ammo. They are trying to shoot down swarms of cheap robots with expensive missiles, and the math does not work. You cannot trade a million-dollar rocket for a ten-thousand-dollar drone forever. Eventually, you run out of money or you run out of rockets.

This wreckage they found shows "new capabilities." That is fancy talk for "it kills better." The engineers in Russia are not sitting around drinking vodka all day. They are learning. They are adapting. While our leaders argue about paperwork and funding, the Russian factories are churning out faster, smarter weapons using our own parts. It is almost funny if you stop caring about human life. We are essentially funding both sides of the war. We send money to Ukraine to defend themselves, and our commerce system sends parts to Russia to attack them.

What will happen next? Nothing good. The Left will cry about it and demand more rules that nobody follows. The Right will scream about weakness and demand more military spending to build bigger weapons. The companies that make the parts will issue a statement saying they follow all laws, while their stock price goes up. Nobody will actually stop the flow of parts. Money is like water; it finds the cracks. As long as there is profit in war, the parts will get through.

This Geran-5 is just a symbol. It is a symbol of how the world really works. It is ugly, it is hypocritical, and it is built on a lie. We are watching a country struggle to defend its skies against machines built with the help of the very people claiming to be their allies. If you aren't cynical yet, you aren't paying attention. The wreckage in the snow tells the whole story. The drone is Russian, the heart is Western, and the result is just more destruction. Welcome to the future. It looks a lot like the past, but with faster robots.

This story is an interpreted work of social commentary based on real events. Source: The Guardian

Distribute the Absurdity

Enjoying the Apocalypse?

Journalism is dead, but our server costs are very much alive. Throw a coin to your local cynic to keep the lights on while we watch the world burn.

Tax Deductible? Probably Not.

Comments (0)

Loading comments...