So, here we are. This is what we do now. Our big, grand plan for the future is to buy a giant piece of ice in the middle of the ocean. It sounds like a joke. It sounds like something a drunk guy would say at three in the morning. But it is real. Donald Trump wants to buy Greenland. And the people who love him think this is the smartest thing since sliced bread. I look at this and I just want to walk into the woods and never come back.

Let’s talk about the supporters. There is a mayor in a tiny town in North Carolina. His name is Owen Strickland. He has a degree in national security. That sounds very fancy, doesn't it? He lives in a town with about five hundred people. I am sure the national security risks in a town that small are very high. Maybe a squirrel stole a nut. Who knows. But Owen thinks this Greenland deal is a great idea. He says our president is a 'negotiator.' That is the word they all use. It is like a magic word. If you say it, you don't have to think anymore. You just nod your head and wait for the ice to arrive.

Think about that for a second. We are talking about a whole country. A place with people and houses and a history. But to the fans of the guy in the red hat, it is just a piece of property. It is a flip. They think the world is just one big episode of a home renovation show. They think we can just walk up to Denmark, slap some cash on the table, and take the keys. It is stupid. It is so stupid it hurts my head. But this is the world we built. We have a real estate guy in charge, so we shouldn't be shocked when he tries to buy the ocean.

Then you have the other side. The people who hate him. They are all screaming. They are all crying about how this is 'imperialism.' They use big words to sound smart, but most of them could not find Greenland on a map if their lives depended on it. They are just mad because the orange man said something. If he said he liked puppies, they would start a protest against dogs. They are just as boring as the people who love him. It is a big circle of people yelling and nobody is actually doing anything useful.

Why do we even want Greenland? Some people say it is for 'national security.' That is another one of those magic phrases. You say it when you want to spend billions of dollars on stuff we don't need. They say the Russians are coming. They say the Chinese are coming. Everyone is coming for the ice! We have people living in tents in our own cities. We have roads that look like they were hit by bombs. But sure, let's spend our money on a giant island of rocks and snow. That will fix everything.

And let's look at the 'negotiator' part. To be a good negotiator, the other person usually has to want to sell. Denmark said no. They said it was a joke. They were actually pretty insulted. But the fans don't care. They think this is all part of the plan. They think he is playing chess while everyone else is playing tag. But he isn't playing chess. He is just a guy who sees something shiny and wants to buy it. He is like a toddler in a toy store. Except the toy store is the planet and the toys are countries.

It is all so tired. The supporters think they are being patriotic. They think owning more land makes us better. It doesn't. It just gives us more land to ignore. We can't even take care of the land we already have. Look at the schools. Look at the hospitals. We are falling apart, but we want to buy a new backyard. It is like a guy whose roof is caving in, but he goes out and buys a fancy new grill. It makes no sense.

But that is the point. Nothing makes sense anymore. We have a small-town mayor with a big degree telling us that buying an ice cube is 'strategic.' We have millions of people nodding along because they were told to. And we have a whole world laughing at us. I don't blame them. I am laughing too. But it is that sad kind of laugh you have right before you give up. We are a country that has lost its mind. We are arguing about buying a frozen island while our own house is on fire. It is the perfect ending for a species this dumb. I hope the ice stays cold, because we are all going to need it for the burn we are about to feel when this whole thing falls apart. Just another day in the dumpster fire of human history.