Welcome to the grand theater of the Department of Health and Human Services, where the 'truth' is a line item and the scientific method is whatever happens when you throw $1.6 million at people who already agree with you.

We’ve recently learned—thanks to a trail of emails that have all the subtlety of a ransom note—that HHS officials fast-tracked a massive grant to a pair of Danish researchers. These aren't just any researchers, mind you. They come pre-loaded with accusations of 'questionable research practices' from their own peers. In the real world, a reputation for cutting corners usually gets you a job writing clickbait or selling crypto. In the world of federal health grants, apparently, it makes you a 'funding priority.'

The real punchline here isn't the money; $1.6 million is essentially a rounding error in D.C. No, the comedy is in the choreography. These researchers were hand-picked by appointees tied to RFK Jr., a man whose brand is built on being the fly in the ointment of the medical establishment. Now, I don’t care what your stance is on vaccines—that’s between you and your God, or at least your pharmacist. What I care about is the blatant, shameless performance of 'buying the science.'

These emails show the bureaucratic machinery grinding away to ensure the result was baked into the cake before the ingredients even hit the bowl. It wasn't about discovery; it was about validation. When political appointees start earmarking funds for specific people to find specific problems, we aren't doing science anymore—we’re doing PR with better footnotes.

It’s a classic Washington shell game: find a researcher who’s already standing on the fringe, hand them a taxpayer-funded megaphone, and then act shocked when they tell you exactly what you paid them to say. It’s cynical, it’s transparent, and frankly, it’s insulting to the intelligence of anyone who’s ever had to balance a checkbook. But hey, that’s the ‘Daily Absurdity’ for you. We don’t find the truth; we just find the highest bidder.