Buck Valor here, and if you ever needed proof that international diplomacy has finally completed its transition into a high-stakes racketeering scheme, look no further than Doha. Our very own Prime Minister, Mark Carney—a man who usually treats a nickel like it’s a kidney—is currently mulling over a $1 billion ‘membership fee’ to join Donald Trump’s ‘Board of Peace.’

Let’s pause and savor the branding for a moment. The ‘Board of Peace.’ It sounds like a mid-tier board game you’d find at a yard sale, but in the hands of the former reality star turned President-again, it’s clearly the most exclusive VIP lounge in the history of geopolitics. Trump has done what no other statesman could: he’s successfully turned the resolution of a humanitarian catastrophe into a subscription model. It’s the Amazon Prime of peace-brokering, but instead of free shipping, you get the privilege of paying a billion dollars to stand in a room and watch the world burn from a slightly better vantage point.

Carney, performing his best impression of a savvy shopper, told reporters he’s accepted the invitation ‘on principle.’ In the dialect of performative politics, that translates to: ‘I really want the photo op, but I haven't figured out how to explain this billion-dollar line item to a Canadian public that currently views a carton of eggs as a luxury investment.’ He’s reportedly confused about what the money is actually for. Is it for reconstruction? Security? Or is it simply the world’s most expensive cover charge to hear Trump talk about how he’s going to make the Mediterranean ‘the new Riviera’?

This is the reality of the ‘Board.’ It’s not about Gaza; it’s about the buy-in. It’s about being at the table when the spoils—political or otherwise—are divvied up. Carney is trying to play it cool, acting like he’s negotiating the terms of a lease, while Trump is essentially running a global protection racket where the ‘protection’ is just being allowed to claim you were part of the ‘solution.’ The absurdity isn't that a price tag exists—it’s that Carney is actually checking his pockets to see if he can find the change. Stay cynical, folks. It’s the only way to stay sane.