Welcome to the theater of the divine, where the costumes are clerical collars and the stage is a sidewalk in front of a federal building. In New Hampshire, the Episcopal Bishop has decided that his clergy aren’t quite leaning into the ‘suffering servant’ bit hard enough. His latest advice for the next protest against ICE? Get your affairs in order. Not your spiritual affairs—your legal ones.

It’s a bold management move, really. Usually, when a boss tells you to prepare your final will and testament, it’s because you’re about to do something genuinely perilous, like deep-sea welding or eating a three-day-old gas station egg salad sandwich. But in the world of high-church activism, it’s apparently the necessary prerequisite for standing near a fence with a cardboard sign. The Bishop is essentially telling his flock that the ultimate virtue signal requires a death certificate. It’s the kind of high-stakes drama that makes for great liturgy but terrible employee retention.

Predictably, the rank-and-file clergy—people who mostly signed up to lead hymns, bless the occasional spaniel, and explain why the roof fund is empty—are experiencing a sudden, sharp bout of reality. ‘I didn't sign up to be a martyr,’ one priest reportedly said. And honestly, why would they? Martyrdom is traditionally reserved for refusing to renounce your faith under the threat of a Roman lion, not for a misdemeanor trespassing charge that will likely be dropped before the evening news cycle ends.

There’s a beautiful, acidic irony in a religious institution, which has spent centuries perfecting the art of the symbolic, suddenly demanding the literal. The leadership wants the gravitas of the catacombs, while the priests just want to make it back in time for the 4:00 PM vestry meeting. It’s a classic case of the higher-ups being high on their own supply of moral superiority, forgetting that the people they’re leading have mortgages, cats, and a distinct lack of desire to have their obituaries written by a PR firm.

In the end, it’s all part of the modern American performance. We don't just protest anymore; we must perform the *willingness to die* for the cause, or at least pretend we are for the sake of the parish newsletter. If you see a priest at the next rally, don’t bother asking for a blessing. Ask if they’ve finalized their power of attorney. It’s the most pious thing they can do these days.