Buck Valor here, reporting from the intersection of 'Who Cares' and 'Why Is This News.' If you ever feel like your daily job is a series of empty gestures, take comfort in the fact that you aren’t Ingrida Levrence. On Tuesday, Levrence was officially 'accredited' as the Latvian Ambassador to Switzerland in Bern. For those of you who don’t speak Bureaucrat, 'accreditation' is the diplomatic equivalent of getting your badge scanned at a mid-tier regional insurance seminar, only with more gold leaf and significantly better appetizers.

The official word from the press release—sorry, the 'news'—is that Latvia 'values cooperation' with Switzerland in science and innovation. Let’s translate that from PR-speak into plain English: Latvia is looking for a sugar daddy with a neutral bank account, and Switzerland is more than happy to host another ceremony where they can look benevolent without actually having to commit to anything more taxing than a polite nod.

Ambassador Levrence spoke at length about 'synergy' and 'digital transformation.' These are the favorite buzzwords of people who have nothing concrete to offer but a very polished PowerPoint presentation. We’re led to believe this partnership will revolutionize the scientific landscape. In reality, it means a few mid-level researchers will exchange emails that will eventually be buried in a sub-folder titled 'Potential Collaborations 2025,' and perhaps a Latvian delegation will get a tour of a CERN hallway they aren't actually allowed to touch.

It’s the classic diplomatic play: two nations meeting up to remind the world they still exist. Latvia gets to tell its voters back home that they are 'expanding their global footprint' and 'sitting at the table with the big boys.' Meanwhile, Switzerland gets to maintain its carefully curated image as the world’s most expensive office park.

It’s not that science isn’t happening. It is. It’s just not happening because two people in suits handed each other heavy pieces of paper in a room in Bern. Innovation happens in labs by people who haven't slept in three days, not in 'accreditation ceremonies' where the most innovative thing present is the folding mechanism of the cocktail napkins. But hey, the photos look great for the archives, and in the theater of modern governance, looking busy is 90% of the job.