Welcome to the latest act in our global theater of the very stupid. I wish I could say I was surprised, but that would require me to have expectations, and I lost those years ago somewhere between a failed trade deal and a press conference where a world leader suggested we drink bleach. Today, we are looking at the frozen North. It seems the United States has decided to stop acting like a modern country and start acting like a landlord from the 1800s. Donald Trump wants to buy Greenland. Yes, the whole thing. He is looking at a map and seeing a giant piece of real estate that needs a gold sign and a few more golf holes.

This would be funny if it were a joke, but in our world, jokes are the only things we take seriously. The plan is simple. Trump sees ice, he sees minerals, and he sees a chance to put his name on something big. But this creates a very funny problem for the other man who likes to move borders: Vladimir Putin. For years, Putin has been the only guy in the room willing to just grab land because he felt like it. He was the bad boy of the world stage. Now, he has to deal with a man who does not want to use tanks to take land. He wants to use a checkbook. It is a real estate war, and the rest of us are just the ants living in the backyard.

Think about how Putin feels right now. He spent years building a brand as the tough guy who takes what he wants. Then comes a guy who treats a whole country like a used car. If Trump can just buy a strategic island, then Putin’s whole 'scary invader' routine looks a bit old-fashioned. It is like a thief who spends all night picking a lock, only to find out the neighbor just bought the whole building and changed the rules. It is a special kind of embarrassing. Putin is used to being the one who makes the world nervous. Now he has to wonder if he is being outspent by a man who thinks diplomacy is something you do over a steak dinner.

But let us look at the real stars of this show: the people who actually live in Greenland and the government of Denmark. They told the world that Greenland is not for sale. It is a country, not a pair of shoes. But in the minds of our great leaders, 'no' is just a starting point for a deal. To an intellectual, this is a nightmare. It shows that our leaders do not see people or history or culture. They just see assets. They see things they can own. It is a return to a time we thought was dead, a time when big powers just traded pieces of the map while drinking expensive brandy in dark rooms.

And why do they want this ice so badly? Because the world is getting warmer. The ice is melting, and that means we can finally get to the oil and the gold underneath. It is the ultimate irony. We are destroying the planet, and our leaders are fighting over who gets to profit from the ruins. It is like two people fighting over who gets to sell the scrap metal while their house is still on fire. They aren't trying to save the world; they are just trying to make sure they own the ashes. This is the 'vision' our leaders have for us. It is not about progress. It is about hoarding.

I told you this would happen. I have been saying for years that the 'liberal world order' was just a thin coat of paint on a very old, very greedy house. Now the paint is peeling off, and we see the truth. The world is just a playground for old men with big egos and even bigger bank accounts. They don't care about rules. They don't care about the 'peril' or the 'promise' for the average person. They just want to win the game. Putin wants to keep his crown as the strongest man, and Trump wants to be the man who bought the biggest thing in history. It is a race to the bottom, and unfortunately, we are all stuck on the ride.

In the end, this is just another chapter in the book of human failure. We have all the technology in the world, we have more knowledge than ever before, and we are using it to argue about buying islands like it is 1867. It would be tragic if it weren't so perfectly predictable. So, pour yourself a drink and watch the map. Maybe next week they will try to buy the moon. At least there is no ice there to melt—yet.