You really can’t make this stuff up. If you tried to write this in a movie script, Hollywood would throw it in the trash for being too stupid. But here we are. Reality is officially dumber than fiction.

Here is the scene. We have Venezuela. The big boss, Nicolás Maduro, got snatched up by the Americans. The country is a mess. The economy is a joke. People are hungry. So, what does the interim leader, Delcy Rodríguez, do? Does she call the generals? Does she call the United Nations? Does she sit down and figure out how to feed people? No.

She holds a meeting with "influencers."

Yes, you read that right. The fate of a nation, the life-and-death struggle of a regime, is being pitched to people who probably do makeup tutorials and dance challenges for a living. The communications minister holds a phone up to a microphone—high tech stuff, folks—so Delcy can cry on speakerphone to a room full of people with ring lights and phone addictions.

She tells them a story. She says when the Americans grabbed Maduro, they gave her and her pals a choice. They had 15 minutes. Fifteen minutes to decide if they were going to play nice with Washington or get killed.

"Cooperate or we kill you." That is the line. It sounds like something a bad guy says in a cartoon.

Now, look. I don’t trust the American government as far as I can throw an aircraft carrier. The suits in Washington love to play cowboy. They love to push people around. Would they threaten to whack a foreign leader? Maybe. They have done worse. They treat South America like their own backyard sandbox. They kick over the castles whenever they feel like it. That is what empires do. They are bullies. We know this.

But let’s look at the other side of this coin. Let’s look at Delcy and her crew. These people have been running Venezuela into the ground for years. They talk a big game about fighting the power, about being strong revolutionaries. But the second things get real, they run to the internet celebrities for sympathy.

It is pathetic. It is weak. It is a grift.

Why tell this story to influencers? Because it is not about truth. It is about content. It is about getting likes and shares. Delcy knows she can’t win a real fight. She can’t fix the money. She can’t fix the power grid. So she tries to win the "narrative." She wants people on Twitter to feel sorry for her. She wants the college kids with Che Guevara posters to post angry comments about the "US Empire."

It is all a show. The Americans are playing the tough guy action hero. The Venezuelan regime is playing the victim in a soap opera. And the audience? That’s you. That’s us. We are supposed to pick a side.

But here is the secret: Both sides are awful.

The Americans act like they own the world. They think they can give a 15-minute deadline on someone’s life like they are ordering a pizza. "Deliver the government in 15 minutes or it's free... meaning we free you from your mortal coil." It is arrogant. It is dangerous.

And the Venezuelan leaders? They are just as bad. They use their people as shields. They rob the country blind. And when they get caught, they whine. They don’t fight for their people; they fight for their own skins. And they use "leaked" videos to do it. Do you really think this video was an accident? Please. In 2024, nothing is leaked. Everything is released on purpose. They wanted you to hear this. They wanted you to hear the fear in her voice so you would forget about the empty shelves in the stores.

Think about the absurdity of that room. A group of "regime-friendly influencers." What does that even mean? Do they get paid in government cheese? Do they get a bonus for every hashtag that praises the Dear Leader? It is the most modern, dystopian thing I have ever heard. Propaganda used to be posters and speeches. Now it is a TikTok collab.

This is where we are as a species. Wars are not fought with ideas anymore. They are fought with viral videos. Political legitimacy comes from how many followers you have.

Delcy Rodríguez claiming she had 15 minutes to live is terrifying if it’s true. It shows the world is run by gangsters with flags. But her telling this to a bunch of social media addicts is just embarrassing. It shows that even at the end of the world, everyone just wants to be famous.

So, go ahead. Watch the video. Pick a side if you want. Cheer for the American bullies or cry for the Venezuelan grifters. It doesn’t matter. They are all playing a game, and the only losers are the regular people trying to live their lives while these idiots trade threats and upload clips.