It is truly a delightful time to be an observer of the human condition, particularly if you enjoy watching a tragedy performed by people who think they are in a musical. The latest numbers from the United Kingdom are in, and they are, quite frankly, hilarious. The experts—those well-paid individuals in nice suits whose job is to guess what will happen and then explain why they were wrong—are scratching their heads. They predicted a gloomy Christmas. They predicted that the British public, crushed by the cost of living and a general sense of impending doom, would keep their wallets closed.

But the British public had a better idea. They decided that if the ship is going down, they might as well be wearing nice earrings. According to the Office for National Statistics, retail sales actually went up by 0.4% in December. This is being hailed as a "surprise boost." It is a victory for the economy. It is a sign that everything is fine. But if you look a little closer at what people are actually buying, the picture becomes much darker and much funnier.

They aren't buying more vegetables. They aren't investing in long-term stability. The report says the sales were driven by online shops, specifically those selling jewelry. Yes, jewelry. In the middle of an economic squeeze, with heating bills high enough to make you weep, the people of Great Britain looked at their bank accounts and said, "You know what I need? Something shiny." It is the logic of a magpie with a credit card.

There is something almost poetic about it. The world is a mess. The news is terrifying. So, the natural response is to sit alone in the dark, staring at a glowing phone screen, and ordering a necklace. It is what we call "doom spending." It is not confidence; it is denial. The survey says consumer confidence has had a "sharp rebound." This is a polite way of saying that everyone has collectively decided to ignore reality. Confidence is easy to have when you stop looking at the scary numbers and start looking at diamonds instead.

While the regular folks are clicking "add to cart" on cheap gold chains, the real masters of the universe are gathering in Davos to talk about the global outlook. The irony is thick enough to cut with a knife. In Davos, they are watching the price of real gold approach $5,000. They are worried about wars, trade routes, and the collapse of systems. Meanwhile, back in the UK, Mrs. Smith is celebrating Christmas by buying a sparkly bracelet online. The disconnect is staggering. The elites are hoarding the lifeboat supplies, and the passengers are buying souvenirs from the gift shop.

We must also laugh at the sheer surprise of the economists. They simply cannot understand why people act this way. They look at their spreadsheets and say, "People have less money, so they will spend less." But they forget that human beings are not calculators. Human beings are emotional, irrational creatures. When a human being feels bad, they want to feel good. And in our sad little modern world, the only way we know how to feel good is to buy things. The 0.4% rise isn't a sign of a healthy economy; it is a symptom of a sick society trying to medicate itself with retail therapy.

This "Christmas sparkle" that the headlines talk about is just glitter on a crumbling wall. The online retailers are cheering, of course. They don't care if you can pay your rent in January, as long as you bought that ring in December. And the government will use these numbers to say, "Look! We fixed it! The people are spending!" They will pat themselves on the back for overseeing a recovery that exists entirely in the realm of credit card debt and delusion.

So, let us raise a glass to the British consumer. They have looked into the abyss, shrugged, and decided to accessorize. It is a bold strategy. It won't save them, and it won't fix the economy, but at least they will look fabulous when the bill finally comes due. And really, in this theater of the absurd, isn't that the most important thing?