Here we go again. If you blink, you might miss the entire term of a Peruvian president. It is the only job in the world with less job security than a wandering circus clown. In Lima, the presidential sash seems to be made of banana peels. You put it on, you take a step, and—oops—you are sliding out the back door while the police wait outside with a pair of handcuffs. It has happened so many times that it is not even tragic anymore. It is just a rerun of a very bad TV show that nobody wants to watch, but everyone is forced to pay for.

Now, we have the latest episode in this comedy of errors. The spotlight is currently burning a hole in the suit of President José Jerí. According to the latest breathless reports and shocking headlines, our dear leader is in hot water. Why? Because of secret meetings. Yes, secret meetings. In 2024. Let us pause for a moment to appreciate the sheer lack of brain cells required to think a meeting can be “secret” in the modern age. Everyone has a phone. Everyone has a camera. There are probably cameras in the wallpaper. Yet, politicians still act like they are living in the 1800s, whispering in dark rooms as if the rest of the world is deaf and blind.

This time, the scandal involves leaked videos. Of course it does. It is never a signed document or a public confession. It is always a grainy, shaky video that looks like it was filmed through a dirty window. These videos reportedly show the President meeting with two Chinese businessmen. Now, why is this a problem? Because when you are the leader of a country, you are not supposed to have off-the-books chats with foreign businessmen who are currently under investigation. That is what we call "bad optics." It looks suspicious. It smells like old fish. Even if they were just sitting there drinking tea and talking about the weather, it looks like a crime. And in politics, looking like a criminal is usually enough to get you fired.

The specific details are almost boring in their predictability. The businessmen are from China. This is not a surprise. China is doing business everywhere, building ports, buying mines, and shaking hands. They are the biggest bank in the neighborhood, and everyone wants a loan. But there is a right way to do business, and there is a wrong way. The right way involves official schedules, translators, and boring press releases. The wrong way involves sneaking around like teenagers trying to hide a cigarette. When you sneak around, people assume you are selling something you shouldn't be selling. Maybe a bridge? A copper mine? The dignity of the office? Who knows.

So now, the vultures are circling. The word "oust" is being thrown around. In Peru, "ousting" a president is practically a national sport, right up there with soccer. The opposition parties are undoubtedly licking their chops, pretending to be shocked and appalled. They are not shocked. They are delighted. They are probably already measuring the curtains in the presidential palace for themselves. It is all part of the game. One side messes up, the other side screams about corruption, the President gets kicked out, and the cycle starts all over again with a new face who will probably make the exact same mistake in six months.

What is truly exhausting about this is the incompetence. If you are going to be a shady politician, please, I beg you, be good at it. Do not let someone film you. Do not meet people who are already under investigation. It is lazy. It insults the intelligence of the voters. It shows that you are not only morally flexible but also professionally clumsy. We, the public, deserve a better class of scandal. We deserve villains who are smart, not leaders who trip over their own shoelaces while trying to make a deal.

The saddest part is that this changes nothing. The names change, the faces change, but the story stays the same. The leaked videos will play on the news for a week. People will shout on social media. There will be protests, maybe a few speeches about the sanctity of democracy. Then, President Jerí will either stay and fight a useless battle, or he will pack his bags and join the club of former presidents who spend their retirement talking to lawyers. Meanwhile, the real problems of the country—the economy, the poverty, the infrastructure—will sit in the corner, ignored, waiting for a leader who is actually interested in leading rather than hiding.

So, raise a glass to the latest scandal. It is stupid, it is loud, and it is exactly what we have come to expect. The theater of the absurd continues, and the only ticket price is your patience.