Welcome to the latest episode of Geopolitical Real Estate Tycoon, where the leader of the free world has decided that if he can’t buy the world’s largest island, he’ll just take it and charge everyone else for the privilege of watching. Donald Trump is currently threatening European allies with tariffs—the international equivalent of a protection racket—simply because Denmark won’t hand over the keys to a frozen rock they’ve been holding onto for centuries.

Enter Pedro Sánchez, the Spanish Prime Minister, currently auditioning for the role of the ‘Voice of European Reason.’ Sánchez warns that a U.S. invasion of Greenland would be the ‘death knell for NATO.’ It’s a touching sentiment, really. He’s painting a grim picture of a shattered alliance and a jubilant Vladimir Putin, but let’s look at the actual price tag. Sánchez isn't losing sleep over the territorial integrity of Nuuk; he’s losing sleep over the prospect of American tariffs on Spanish olive oil and auto parts. It turns out moral outrage is much easier to summon when your export economy is being held at gunpoint.

The absurdity here is breathtaking, yet perfectly on brand for our era. We are watching a man treat the Arctic Circle like a distressed property in Atlantic City, while European leaders scramble to find a way to sound principled while begging for their trade deals to remain intact. Sánchez’s invocation of Putin is the cherry on top. In modern diplomacy, if you don’t like what someone is doing, you just mention the Kremlin and hope the ghost of the Cold War does the heavy lifting for you.

In reality, Putin doesn’t need to do anything. He’s likely sitting back with a bag of popcorn, watching the 'rules-based international order' dissolve into a glorified HOA dispute over who owns the shared freezer. It’s not a clash of civilizations; it’s a clash of egos and balance sheets. NATO isn't a sacred bond of democratic values; it’s a gym membership that everyone complains about paying for until someone threatens to change the locks on the sauna. If this is the end of the world as we know it, at least it’s happening because of a real estate dispute. How very human.