In a move that surprised absolutely no one who’s ever watched a failing marriage attempt court-ordered mediation, Tehran has officially ‘named’ its communication channels with the United States. Because apparently, when the geopolitical weather forecast calls for a high chance of regional firestorms, you still need a designated adult in the room to pass the 'I’m not touching you' notes.

Let’s be clear about what’s happening here. This isn’t a diplomatic breakthrough; it’s administrative housekeeping. It’s the equivalent of choosing which brand of burner phone you’re going to use to tell your ex they’re still a disaster. Iran is pointing at Switzerland—the international community's favorite neutral babysitter—and saying, 'Talk to the guy in the chocolate-colored suit.'

The beauty of the 'indirect channel' is that it allows both sides to maintain their public brand of righteous indignation while privately making sure nobody accidentally pushes the 'total annihilation' button because of a clerical error. It’s a theater of the absurd where the script is written in threats, but the stage directions are handled by Omani diplomats and Swiss bankers. It’s communication for people who are too proud to pick up the phone but too terrified of the alternative to stop talking entirely.

Why announce this now? Because in the world of geopolitical PR, looking like you have a 'process' is almost as good as actually having a solution. It calms the markets, gives the talking heads on cable news something to chew on, and lets the world pretend for a fleeting moment that these two powers aren’t just shouting into a void. It’s a pressure valve. Nothing more, nothing less.

We’re living through an era where the mere existence of a mailbox is marketed as 'progress.' But let’s not kid ourselves. You can change the postman, you can upgrade the stationary, and you can route the message through every neutral country on the map, but if the letters are still filled with the same old grievances and demands for total submission, you’re not talking—you’re just managing the silence. So, cheers to the new channels. May they be just as efficient at delivering disappointment as the old ones.