Here we go again. The Labour Party in the United Kingdom is doing what it does best. It is eating itself alive. It is a spectacle of fear, paranoia, and stupidity that would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic. The latest drama is over a place called Gorton. It is just a seat in Manchester. It should be a simple byelection. Someone leaves, someone new comes in. Simple, right? wrong. Nothing is simple when you are dealing with a group of people who hate each other almost as much as they hate winning elections.

Let’s look at the players in this sad little game. First, you have Keir Starmer. He is the leader of the Labour Party. He is the guy in the suit who always looks like he is trying to remember if he left the oven on. He is supposed to be in charge. But being in charge in modern politics usually just means you are the most paranoid person in the room. Starmer is looking at this empty seat in Gorton and he is sweating. He is not sweating because he thinks they will lose the seat to the other side. No, that would make sense. He is sweating because of who might want to sit in it.

Enter Andy Burnham. They call him the “King of the North.” That is a very silly name for a man who is basically just a mayor in a suit. He runs Manchester. He has a lot of opinions. And apparently, he has just enough charisma to make Keir Starmer wake up screaming in the middle of the night. The rumor mill is churning. Everyone is whispering that there is a “Stop Andy Burnham” campaign. Think about how weak that is. The leadership is allegedly trying to rig their own selection process just to keep one of their own guys out of the game. They are terrified he might get into Parliament and actually challenge the boss.

This is where the real comedy starts. Enter Andrea Egan. She is the new boss of Unison. That is the biggest union in the country. She has been in the job for about five minutes. And what is her first big move? She has to come out and tell the Labour Party to stop acting like a bunch of dictators. She warned them against “control-freakery.” That is a great word. It is a polite way of saying “stop rigging the game because you are scared.”

She is standing up against a “stitch-up.” A stitch-up is when the people at the top decide who wins before the voting even starts. It happens all the time. In every country. In every party. The people at the top pick a friend, a “Yes Man,” or a nobody who will do what they are told. They hate wild cards. They hate people who might have their own ideas. And they really, really hate Andy Burnham.

So now you have the Union boss warning the Party boss to let the democracy actually happen. It is rich. It is ironic. The Labour Party talks a big game about power to the people. They love to talk about fairness. But the second one of their own guys gets a little too popular, they lock the doors. They change the rules. They start whispering in corners.

It proves exactly what I have always said about these people. They do not care about the voters. The voters in Gorton are just props in a play. They are just numbers to be counted. The real election is happening in the back rooms in London. It is a power struggle between a boring leader and a guy who thinks he should be the leader. And the Union is stuck in the middle, trying to remind everyone that maybe, just maybe, the local members should get to pick their own candidate.

Imagine being so insecure in your job that you have to block your own teammates from playing the game. That is Keir Starmer right now. If he was strong, he would let Burnham run. He would let him win the seat. And then he would lead him. But he is not strong. He is managing his own decline. He is trying to keep the pool shallow so he looks like the biggest fish.

And what about Burnham? Is he a hero? Please. He is just another politician. He sees a chance to climb the ladder, so he takes it. If he gets blocked here, he will complain. If he gets in, he will start plotting. It is all about the career. It is never about you. It is never about making the country work better. It is about who gets to sit in the big chair at the end of the table.

Andrea Egan is right to call it “control-freakery.” But she should not be surprised. This is how the machine works. It grinds people down. It filters out anyone interesting until all you have left are the bland, safe, obedient little soldiers. The fact that this is news—that a union has to beg a political party to be democratic—shows you how broken the whole system is. They will fight over Gorton. They will sling mud. They will leak nasty stories to the press. And in the end, whoever wins will go to London and do exactly what they are told. Or they won’t, and the fighting will start all over again. It is exhausting. It is stupid. And it is exactly what we deserve for paying attention to them.