Good evening. I’m Buck Valor, and today we’re looking at the high cost of pretending to matter.

In a move that surprises absolutely no one who has been paying attention to the transactional rot of modern diplomacy, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney is currently mulling over a $1 billion invoice. The charge? A 'permanent membership fee' for Donald Trump’s newly minted 'Board of Peace.' Because, as we all know, nothing says 'ending a decades-old humanitarian crisis' like a billion-dollar pay-to-play scheme masquerading as a committee.

Carney, speaking from Doha with the polished, vacant earnestness that only a career central banker can muster, admitted the President floated the idea a few weeks ago. He says he’s accepted 'on principle,' which is diplomatic shorthand for 'I’ve already checked the exchange rate, but I need to figure out how to frame this to the taxpayers so they don’t set the Parliament buildings on fire.'

Let’s be clear: this isn’t about peace. It’s about the branding of peace. Trump has essentially turned the Gaza situation into a high-end country club where the initiation fee is a cool billion and the dress code is 'unwavering loyalty.' For Carney, this is a desperate attempt to buy Canada a seat in a room where the grown-ups—or at least the loud ones—are talking. It’s a vanity project funded by a public purse that’s already been stretched thin by years of performative governance.

The absurdity here is breathtaking. We’re told this board will 'oversee next steps,' which is a fancy way of saying they’ll sit in air-conditioned rooms, eat expensive catering, and issue press releases while the actual reality on the ground remains unchanged. Carney claims he’s 'unclear' what the $1 billion is actually for. Let me help you out, Mark: it’s for the lanyard. It’s for the right to stand behind the President in a photo op so you can tell the voters back home that Canada is 'shaping the global narrative.'

In the end, it’s just another day in the political theater. One man is selling a product that doesn’t exist, and the other is using someone else’s money to buy a sense of relevance. Same script, different decade. Don’t worry, though—I’m sure that billion dollars will really make the difference this time. Just as soon as the check clears.