CARACAS—Expressing a deep sense of solace while staring at a price tag for a carton of eggs that now exceeds the GDP of a small island nation, local father Mateo Velasquez told reporters Tuesday he was incredibly relieved to learn the skyrocketing cost of groceries was a direct result of a thrilling, albeit botched, American mercenary raid. "I was worried I wouldn’t be able to feed my children just because of boring old structural economic failure, but knowing my hunger is the fallout of a Hollywood-style aquatic invasion attempt makes this empty stomach feel almost cinematic," said Velasquez, noting that while he couldn’t afford flour, he could at least feast on the knowledge that a couple of ex-Green Berets had a really bad day on a beach nearby. "It’s an honor to pay 4.5 million bolivars for a single apple if it means I’m directly participating in the geopolitical instability required to keep the U.S. State Department on its toes. I just hope the next attempt to capture the president is even more disorganized so I can finally justify eating my own shoes."