HAVANA—Dismissing international concerns regarding the sudden halt of Venezuelan oil shipments, the Cuban Ministry of Energy held a press conference by the light of a single waning match Tuesday to unveil a bold new infrastructure plan: transitioning the entire nation to a 100% motionless, pitch-black economy. 'While the imperialist media claims disaster looms, we see this as an exciting opportunity to launch Operation Total Eclipse, a renewable strategy where citizens generate zero emissions by sitting on their porches and staring into the void until the end of time,' said Energy Minister Raul Garcia, explaining that the country’s famous 1957 Chevys would be immediately retrofitted to function as heavy, stationary lawn ornaments. 'We have successfully replaced the electric grid with a decentralized network of grandmothers fanning themselves with folded newspapers. It is the most eco-friendly power system on earth.' At press time, government officials declared the initiative a massive success, noting that the capital city had already exceeded its daily quota for brooding silence and heat-induced hallucinations.