It is truly touching to see the velocity—or lack thereof—at which modern government works. If you want to see a glacier move, watch nature. If you want to see something slower, watch the **EU-India Free Trade Agreement** negotiations. We are now being told, with breathless excitement, that the “mother of all deals” is finally happening. It only took two decades of bureaucratic stagnation. That is right. Twenty years. A child born when these **bilateral trade talks** started is now old enough to drink, vote, and realize that politicians are useless.

Let us look at the **geopolitical reality** here. Next week, high-ranking officials from the European Union are flying to New Delhi to meet **Prime Minister Narendra Modi**. They are bringing their best suits, their fakest smiles, and a desperate need for a strategic partner. The news reports say they want to forge “closer ties.” In normal human language, this means Europe is lonely. Europe is looking around the room, realizing it has no one left to dance with in the global economy, and is suddenly very interested in India.

Why now? Why, after leaving these papers on a desk for twenty years, is this suddenly the “mother of all deals”? Simple. The market landscape has changed. For a long time, Europe thought it was the coolest kid in school. It had money, culture, and cheap gas from Russia. But then reality hit. The gas turned off. The economy got shaky. And over in the corner, the **United States and China** started flexing their economic muscles, leaving Europe looking a bit small and fragile.

So, the European chiefs are doing what they always do when they get scared: they hold a meeting. They are running to India not because they have suddenly fallen in love with New Delhi, but because they are terrified of being left behind by **China and the US**. It is the geopolitics of desperation. The report says they are facing "challenges" from the superpowers. That is a polite way of saying that the big dogs are eating all the food, and Europe is scrambling for crumbs.

And let us talk about this phrase, the “mother of all deals.” Whenever a politician uses a high-volume keyword phrase like that, you should check your wallet. It sounds like an action movie, but it is actually just a pile of boring regulations about car parts and cheese taxes. They try to make it sound exciting because if they told you the truth—that they spent 20 years arguing over **tariffs on frozen shrimp**—you would probably cry from boredom.

**Prime Minister Modi**, for his part, must be enjoying this. He sees the Europeans coming to him, hat in hand. He knows they need him more than he needs them. India is huge. Its economy is growing. It has options. Europe, on the other hand, is like an old aristocrat who has lost the family fortune and is trying to marry into new money. Modi can sit back, serve some tea, and watch them sweat.

But the funniest part is the timeline. Two decades. Think about what has happened in the world in the last twenty years. The iPhone was invented. Social media destroyed our attention spans. Governments rose and fell. And through all of that, a group of well-paid bureaucrats sat in comfortable chairs, year after year, saying, “Maybe we should sign this deal next week.” It is a masterclass in wasting time.

Now they say they are “nearing the finishing line.” We are supposed to clap. We are supposed to be impressed that they finally managed to do the job they were supposed to do back when flip-phones were cool. It is like a student handing in their homework twenty years late and expecting a gold star.

Do not expect this “mother of all deals” to change your life. The only thing that will change is the schedule of the people signing it. They will get to take photos, shake hands, and tell the cameras that they saved the world economy. Then they will go back to their offices and start planning the next meeting for 2044. The reality is that the world is burning. There are wars, crises, and real problems. But the people in charge are very proud that they might—just might—finally agree on a piece of paper they started writing before most TikTok stars were born. It is absurd. It is tragic. But mostly, it is just typical.

***

### References & Fact-Check * **Context**: The European Union and India have been in negotiations for a comprehensive Free Trade Agreement (FTA) since 2007. Negotiations stalled in 2013 and resumed in 2022 due to shifting geopolitical landscapes involving Russia and China. * **Original Report**: For live updates on the geopolitical situation and the EU's strategic pivots, see the Guardian's coverage: [‘Massive’ Russian strikes on Ukraine hit negotiation table as well as people](https://www.theguardian.com/world/live/2026/jan/24/ukraine-russia-war-us-talks-uae-europe-live-latest-news-updates). * **Key Entities**: European Union Commission, Prime Minister Narendra Modi, Government of India.