Every year, the world’s most self-important arsonists gather in the Swiss Alps to discuss how to put out the fire they’ve been fueling with private jet kerosene for decades. The World Economic Forum is less a forum and more a support group for the people who broke the world and are now charging us for the privilege of watching them fail to fix it. This year, the flavor of the month is the 'European decline,' a realization that has dawned on the Brussels elite with the speed of a tectonic plate. Apparently, they’ve finally noticed that the rest of the planet treats the European Union like a dusty museum—a place you visit for the wine and the ruins, but never for the leadership.

The central theme being whispered between sips of overpriced Bollinger is whether Greenland is the 'wake-up call' Europe needs. It’s a hilarious metaphor. To suggest that Greenland is a 'wake-up call' implies that Europe was merely napping. In reality, Europe has been in a self-induced coma since it realized that having a high-speed rail network and thirty-five-hour work weeks doesn't actually stop you from being a geopolitical footnote. The ice is melting, the seas are rising, and the European solution is to hold a panel discussion about their 'mojo.' If you are a continent and you are using the word 'mojo' to describe your relevance, you’ve already lost the war. That is the language of a divorced dad buying a mid-life crisis Porsche, not a global superpower.

The American situation adds a layer of exquisite comedy to the proceedings. For years, the European elite viewed the United States as the boorish, muscle-bound bodyguard that paid for the defense bills while they lectured the world on human rights. Now, they find themselves in the unenviable position of being insulted by a U.S. administration that views its oldest allies with the same affection one might reserve for a persistent case of gout. The insults hurled from across the Atlantic aren't just rhetoric; they are a clear indication that the 'special relationship' has been downgraded to 'person I avoid at parties.' The Right in America views Europe as a socialist hellscape of regulation; the Left views it as a performative enclave of old-world arrogance. Both are correct, and neither cares if Europe regains its 'mojo' or simply sinks into the North Sea.

Then there is the matter of climate inaction—the great hypocrisy of the Davos set. The irony of discussing Greenland’s disappearance while surrounded by the very people who profit from the industries melting it is so thick you could carve it with a silver caviar spoon. Europe loves to talk about green energy, yet it remains tethered to the reality of trade tensions and the desperate need for cheap manufacturing. They want the moral high ground of a carbon-neutral paradise without the economic sacrifice required to get there. It’s a classic European move: wanting the prestige of the empire without the mess of actually running one.

Trade tensions are further eroding the illusion of European unity. While they talk about 'regaining influence,' the reality is a fragmented collection of states bickering over crumbs while China and the U.S. carve up the future of technology and finance. Europe has become the world’s most expensive boutique, selling luxury goods to the people who actually produce things. The 'mojo' they seek isn't lost in the ice of Greenland; it’s buried under mountains of bureaucracy and a pathological inability to innovate. You cannot regulate your way back to relevance, yet that is the only tool in the European toolbox.

Ultimately, the Davos obsession with Greenland as a catalyst for change is just another performance. It is a way for leaders to pretend that their waning influence is a result of external shocks rather than internal rot. The ice will continue to melt, the Americans will continue to be obnoxious, and the European elite will continue to gather in expensive ski resorts to mourn the loss of a status they never actually deserved. The world isn't waiting for Europe to wake up; the world has moved on, and it didn't even leave a note. In the end, 'mojo' is just another word for an ego that hasn't yet accepted its own irrelevance.