BEIJING—In a whirlwind diplomatic tour intended to streamline international relations by cutting out the middleman known as the Canadian electorate, UN Special Envoy and unofficial 'Step-Dad of Canada' Mark Carney arrived in Beijing today to brief Chinese officials on exactly what Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is currently thinking. 'The goal of this trip was to provide high-level clarity on the Prime Minister’s worldview, mostly by me telling President Xi what I told Justin to write in his diary yesterday,' said Carney, emerging from a 14-hour marathon meeting with top industry leaders where he reportedly used a laser pointer to highlight the specific parts of the Canadian economy he has decided are available for lease. 'It’s much more efficient for me to fly here and explain the government’s geopolitical stance directly, rather than waiting for the Prime Minister to undergo the buffering process required to say it himself. Essentially, I am here to convey that Canada is open for business, provided that business aligns with the spreadsheet I made on the flight over.' At press time, Carney was seen boarding a jet to Washington to remind the IMF that he is still technically the only adult in the room.