Behold the 'Great Wealth Transfer,' a phrase designed by financial consultants to make the mass inheritance of unearned billions sound like a dignified relay race rather than what it actually is: the final consolidation of resources into the hands of the most intellectually atrophied generation to ever walk the planet. As trillions of dollars migrate from the cold, clutching hands of the Silent Generation and the Boomers into the manicured paws of their progeny, the financial press is suddenly awash with 'helpful' advice on how not to repeat the mistakes of the first Gilded Age. It’s a touching sentiment, really, suggesting that the current crop of heirs has the capacity to learn from history, or even to read it.

Let’s be clear about what this 'enormous inheritance' actually represents. It is the accumulated surplus of decades of ecological pillaging and market manipulation, now being handed over to children who think 'labor' is something that happens to a delivery app. The advice being peddled to these fortunate scions is a masterclass in survivalist public relations. Don’t be like the Vanderbilts, they say. Don’t spend it all on limestone chateaus and gold-plated carriage fittings. Instead, hide your wealth behind the impenetrable fog of 'impact investing' and 'philanthropic foundations.' The goal isn’t to be a better person; the goal is to avoid the pitchforks by making your greed look like a lifestyle brand.

The Right, of course, views this inheritance as a sacred right, a biological manifest destiny. To them, the estate tax is an act of communist aggression, as if the mere act of emerging from the correct womb entitles one to a permanent seat at the table of global power. They see these heirs as the 'job creators' of tomorrow, ignoring the fact that the only thing these people have ever created is a high-engagement Instagram post about their 'wellness retreat' in the Hamptons. They want to hoard the capital in bunkers of private equity, ensuring that the wealth never touches the 'unwashed' hands of the public, because, in their view, poverty is a character flaw and wealth is a genetic virtue.

On the flip side, the Left’s reaction is a nauseating display of performative hand-wringing. The heirs on the Left are desperate to 'decolonize' their portfolios, which is a hilarious way of saying they want to keep the money but feel really bad about it. They attend workshops on 'healing the trauma of wealth,' as if having twenty million dollars is a psychological burden equivalent to actual hardship. They want to invest in 'sustainable' startups that will inevitably fail, but not before they’ve taken enough tax write-offs to ensure their principal remains untouched. It’s a symbiotic cycle of hypocrisy where they decry the system while the system’s dividends pay for their artisan oat milk.

The comparison to the first Gilded Age is particularly telling. The original robber barons were, at the very least, competent monsters. They built railroads, forged steel, and exploited labor with a terrifying efficiency that actually produced a physical infrastructure. They were villains, yes, but they were formidable. Today’s heirs are mere shadows—pale, anxious creatures who are terrified of being 'canceled' but incapable of being useful. They are being told to diversify their assets to avoid the 'volatility' of the modern world, which is financial shorthand for: 'The peasants are getting restless, and you should probably have a getaway house in New Zealand.'

This advice to 'not make the mistakes of the past' is fundamentally a guide on how to be a more effective parasite. Don’t flaunt it, they say. Be 'quiet luxury.' Wear five-thousand-dollar sweaters that look like they came from a thrift store. This isn't about ethics; it's about camouflage. If the first Gilded Age ended with the New Deal and the rise of the middle class, this second Gilded Age is trending toward a neo-feudalism where the only way to survive is to be born into the right castle. The 'mistake' the experts want you to avoid isn't inequality—it's getting caught.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how these heirs invest their blood money. Whether they dump it into ESG-compliant index funds or use it to buy a fleet of carbon-spewing private jets, the result is the same: a stagnant society where mobility is a myth and the future is owned by the least capable among us. The advice to 'be smart' with your inheritance is just another layer of the grift. In a sane world, this wealth would be liquidated to fix the very systems its accumulation destroyed. But we don't live in a sane world. We live in a world where the winners of the genetic lottery are being told how to play the long game so they can stay winners forever, while the rest of humanity fights over the crumbs of a disappearing middle class. It’s all very sophisticated, very modern, and utterly disgusting.