There is a specific, pungent brand of nausea that accompanies the sight of a high-level career bureaucrat attempting to spin a shakedown as a spiritual awakening. Enter Mark Rutte, the man who has made a career out of being the 'Trump Whisperer'—a title that essentially means he is the most proficient at whispering sweet nothings into the ear of a man who views the North Atlantic Treaty Organization as a failing timeshare. Rutte’s latest proclamation that Europe should actually ‘be happy’ with Donald Trump’s leadership isn’t just a masterclass in political sycophancy; it’s a eulogy for the dignity of the entire European continent.

Let’s look at the facts without the softening lens of diplomatic cables. We have the Secretary General of NATO, a military alliance ostensibly built on the lofty ideals of collective defense and democratic values, telling his constituents to find 'joy' in being bullied. It is the logic of the battered spouse who claims that the black eye is actually a sign that their partner cares enough to stay engaged. Rutte’s defense comes at a moment when the American President is treating the geopolitical map like an IKEA catalog, specifically one where he’s trying to order Greenland as if it were a flat-pack side table. The absurdity of a world leader menacing a sovereign nation over a giant ice cube should be enough to send any serious diplomat into a permanent state of face-palming, yet Rutte stands there, smiling through the grit, suggesting we should appreciate the 'clarity' of the situation.

On the Left, we see the usual performance of pearl-clutching and moral outrage. They lament the 'erosion of institutions' as if NATO was ever anything more than a glorified weapons-buying club for the American industrial complex. They weep for the 'liberal international order,' a phrase that translates roughly to 'the period where we could pretend we weren’t all subservient to the dollar while sipping overpriced espresso in Brussels.' Their shock is as fake as their commitment to actual defense spending. They hate the messenger because he’s too loud, not because the message—that Europe is a vassal state with an identity crisis—is incorrect.

On the Right, we have the moronic cheerleading for a brand of 'negotiation' that resembles a toddler screaming in a candy aisle. They see Trump’s demand for Greenland and his threats to abandon the alliance not as the erratic impulses of a bored real estate mogul, but as 4D chess played by a man who can barely navigate a 2D checkers board. They mistake chaos for strategy and bullying for strength, failing to realize that when you burn down the house to prove you’re the best at using the fire extinguisher, you still end up homeless and smelling like smoke.

Rutte’s 'be happy' comment is a symptom of a deeper, terminal rot in the European psyche. For decades, Europe has outsourced its security, its innovation, and its spine to the United States. Now that the bill has come due, and the collector is a man who wants to swap military bases for Arctic real estate, the panic is palpable. Rutte isn’t leading; he’s managing a decline. He knows that the 'rules-based order' is a bedtime story we tell ourselves to avoid admitting that we are back to the era of raw, transactional power. If the United States wants to treat NATO like a protection racket, Rutte’s job is simply to make sure the payments are made on time and the 'don' (Trump) feels sufficiently flattered.

The Greenland distraction is the perfect metaphor for this era of stupidity. It’s a play for resources, wrapped in a blanket of ego, served on a platter of diplomatic incompetence. And yet, Rutte insists this is a positive. Why? Because it keeps the Americans 'engaged.' It’s the engagement of a wrecking ball with a brick wall. The sheer intellectual bankruptcy required to argue that a President who actively questions the validity of Article 5 is 'good' for the alliance is staggering. It requires a level of cognitive dissonance that would kill a lesser species.

We are witnessing the final stage of Atlanticism: the transition from a partnership to a franchise model. In Rutte’s world, the 'happiness' of Europe is measured by how well it can accommodate the whims of a man who views diplomacy as a zero-sum game played on a golf course. It’s not about security, or stability, or the defense of the West. It’s about surviving the next tweet. If this is what 'winning' looks like, I’d hate to see the alternative. But don’t worry, Mark Rutte will be there to tell us that the fire currently consuming our house is actually a very efficient way to save on heating costs. We should be grateful, really. It’s almost enough to make you miss the Cold War—at least then, the people trying to destroy the world had the decency to be gloomy about it.