The state, in its infinite, soul-crushing wisdom, has decided that the only thing standing between us and a utopia of asphalt is a slightly less drunk version of the average citizen and an octogenarian who can actually see the steering wheel. The government's latest proposal to lower legal alcohol limits for drivers and mandate regular eye tests for the elderly is not a masterstroke of public health; it is a desperate, pathetic attempt to manage the unmanageable chaos of human incompetence. It is a theatrical performance designed to convince the tax-paying cattle that the corridors of power are occupied by people who care about survival, rather than people who simply enjoy the administrative thrill of drafting new ways to fine you.

Let us begin with the alcohol limits. The proposal seeks to tighten the leash on the one chemical solace the modern worker has left to endure the crushing boredom of existence. The logic is simple: if we cannot make the roads safer, we can at least make the drivers more miserable. The government treats the blood-alcohol content level like a magical dial for morality. If you are at 0.08, you are a menace to society, a motorized demon; at 0.05, you are suddenly a pillar of the community. It is a distinction without a difference in a world where most drivers are distracted by the digital dopamine drips of their smartphones anyway. The Right will inevitably screech about the 'nanny state' and the infringement on 'personal liberty,' as if the right to drive a SUV while mildly buzzed is a core tenet of Western civilization. Meanwhile, the Left will applaud this as 'harm reduction,' blissfully ignoring the fact that they’ve spent decades ensuring that public transportation is so terrifying and unreliable that people have no choice but to risk the road in the first place.

Then we have the matter of the 'silver tsunami' behind the wheel. The government is finally, after years of terrified stalling, suggesting that people who were born before the invention of the transistor should perhaps prove they can see the giant metal objects they are hurtling toward at seventy miles per hour. The current system relies on the honor system, which is a hilarious concept when applied to a demographic that refuses to admit they can’t hear a conversation across a dinner table, let alone see a cyclist in a blind spot. Politicians have avoided this for years because the elderly are the only people who actually show up to vote, and nothing scares a bureaucrat more than an angry grandmother with a ballot and a grudge. This new proposal for mandatory eye tests is the bare minimum, a lukewarm gesture toward reality. The Right remains silent, terrified of offending their core donor base of retirees who view a driver’s license as a divine right granted by birth. The Left, paralyzed by the fear of being labeled 'ageist,' will likely suggest that we simply need more 'inclusive' road signs with larger fonts, as if typography can compensate for failing cataracts.

What we are witnessing is the inherent friction of a society that insists on individual transit while being inhabited by individuals who are fundamentally unfit for the task. We live in a world where the act of driving—a complex, high-stakes physical operation—is treated as a mundane background task, like breathing or complaining about the weather. No amount of lowered limits or vision screenings can fix the fact that the human brain was not evolved to process spatial data at highway speeds while simultaneously contemplating its own mortgage or the utter vacuity of its social media feed. The government knows this. They know that every road safety measure is just a thumb in a leaking dam. But they must do something. They must produce a white paper. They must hold a press conference. They must give the illusion of control because the alternative—admitting that we are all just monkeys in metal boxes waiting for an accident to happen—is too honest for the political palate.

In the end, these measures will change nothing but the frequency of bureaucratic paperwork and the bank balances of those unlucky enough to be caught in the dragnet. The roads will remain a gauntlet of the distracted, the incompetent, and the ancient. The state will continue its slow, grinding march toward a perfectly regulated, perfectly safe, and perfectly miserable society. We are being told that the road to safety is paved with sobriety and 20/20 vision, but in reality, it is paved with the same cynical opportunism that defines every government action. They don't want you safe; they want you compliant, accounted for, and documented. So, keep your eyes on the road and your blood clean, not because it will save you, but because it gives the people in charge one less excuse to notice you exist.