In the grand, nauseating theater of global geopolitics, we have reached the stage where ‘Peace’ is no longer a cessation of hostilities but a branding exercise managed by a corporate board. Donald Trump, a man whose understanding of diplomacy is roughly equivalent to a shark’s understanding of veganism, has announced his latest venture: The Board of Peace. And because the universe possesses a truly sadistic sense of irony, Benjamin Netanyahu has decided to pull up a chair. It is the diplomatic equivalent of a tobacco executive joining a lung health task force, and yet, here we are, expected to treat this as news rather than a cosmic joke.

Only days ago, Netanyahu’s office was emitting the usual shrill notes of dissatisfaction, criticizing the ‘makeup’ of the board—which is political shorthand for ‘I’m not getting enough of the spotlight.’ But like any seasoned grifter who realizes the mark has a bigger wallet than expected, the Israeli Prime Minister has pivotally discovered his ‘agreement.’ It’s a masterclass in the transactional rot that defines our era. One does not join a ‘Board of Peace’ because one desires an end to the grinding machinery of war; one joins because being outside the room means you can’t control the narrative, and more importantly, you can’t ensure the ‘peace’ looks exactly like your own strategic interests wrapped in a gold-plated ribbon.

Trump’s conception of a ‘Board’ is, predictably, a reflection of his own psyche: a collection of egos, optics, and high-stakes posturing designed to make the architect look like the ultimate dealmaker. It treats the centuries-old, blood-soaked complexities of the Middle East as if they were a failing Atlantic City casino in need of a rebranding. To Trump, peace is a commodity to be traded, a PR win to be leveraged against his enemies. The Board isn’t about resolution; it’s about the aesthetic of resolution. It’s the ‘Art of the Deal’ applied to a region that has spent three millennia proving that deals are just the pauses between the art of the kill.

Meanwhile, across the Atlantic, several European nations are clutching their pearls and saying ‘no’ to the invitation. Let us not mistake this for a principled stand. The Europeans, ever the masters of the performative snub, are simply terrified of anything that doesn’t fit into their calcified, bureaucratic version of international law—a system that has successfully prevented precisely zero major conflicts in the last half-century. Their refusal is less about morality and more about the existential dread of being forced to acknowledge that the old world order is a decomposing corpse and Donald Trump is the maggot currently wearing the crown. They prefer to sit in the corner, sniffing their own expensive perfumes of ‘diplomatic protocol,’ while the world moves on to a more naked, honest form of corruption.

Netanyahu’s inclusion is particularly delicious for those of us who enjoy watching the slow-motion car crash of human integrity. Here is a man currently navigating a domestic and international labyrinth of legal and political crises, yet he finds the time to join a ‘Board’ hosted by a man who views loyalty as a one-way street. It’s a match made in a very specific, very expensive circle of hell. The board’s makeup—which Netanyahu previously loathed—is likely still a chaotic mess of sycophants and opportunists, but Bibi knows that in the kingdom of the blind, the man with one eye and a direct line to the Mar-a-Lago switchboard is king.

What is a ‘Board of Peace’ anyway? The very title suggests a boardroom where people in suits look at spreadsheets of casualties and decide on a ‘downsizing’ of violence. It reduces the agony of nations to a quarterly report. It is the ultimate triumph of the managerial class over human reality. We have reached the end of history, not in the way Fukuyama predicted, but in the sense that history has been bought by a private equity firm and rebranded as a boutique consultancy service.

Europe’s ‘no’ won’t stop the board from meeting. Netanyahu’s ‘yes’ won’t stop the missiles from flying. The only thing that will happen is a series of press releases, perhaps some commemorative coins, and a lot of self-congratulatory tweets. The Left will scream about the illegitimacy of it all, ignoring their own history of useless summits and empty gestures. The Right will hail it as a breakthrough of ‘unconventional’ brilliance, ignoring that it’s just a new paint job on an old, broken tractor. And the rest of us? We are just the audience for this farce, watching as the people who profit from the chaos sit around a mahogany table and discuss how to monetize the calm. It’s not peace; it’s just the Board’s latest acquisition.