If you needed definitive proof that the American experiment has devolved into a grotesque parody of itself, look no further than the hallowed halls of academia. We are no longer producing scholars, thinkers, or even competent workers. We are producing litigants. In a story that would be hilarious if it weren’t a diagnosable symptom of societal brain death, an Indian couple has secured a $200,000 settlement from a US university. Their suffering? Their trauma? Their brave stand against the tyranny of the majority? They wanted to heat up palak paneer in a communal microwave, and someone else didn’t like the smell.

Let that marinate for a moment. Two hundred thousand dollars. That is the price tag for the 'emotional distress' of having your lunch choices critiqued by Philistines. In the real world, if your coworker microwaves fish or heats up a particularly pungent curry, you might roll your eyes, open a window, or perhaps make a passive-aggressive comment about the ventilation. You do not, generally speaking, end up with a check that could buy a small house in the Midwest. But the modern university is not the real world. It is a nursery for the oversized infants of the bourgeoisie, a place where 'discomfort' is synonymous with 'assault' and where conflict resolution has been outsourced to the legal department.

Let’s dissect the players in this culinary tragedy, for they are all equally repulsive. First, we have the antagonists of the story—the unnamed complainants who apparently found the scent of spinach and cheese so offensive that it constituted a violation of their rights. Here we see the fragile American nose in its natural habitat, terrified of anything that doesn't smell like bleached flour and processed cheese. This is the xenophobia of the palate, the hallmark of a culture that thinks mayonnaise is a spice. These are likely the same people who claim to love 'diversity' until it requires them to smell cumin on a Tuesday afternoon. To be triggered by the aroma of food—food that is frankly delicious—is a level of biological weakness that natural selection should have weeded out millennia ago.

Then we have the concept of 'food racism.' We have reached the point in our linguistic decay where we are stapling the word 'racism' to inanimate objects and sensory experiences to give them gravitas. Racism is a real, hideous scourge involving power dynamics, systemic oppression, and violence. It is not, however, a dispute over the breakroom etiquette regarding turmeric. By elevating a petty squabble over lunch odors to the level of a civil rights struggle, we cheapen actual suffering. But that is the currency of the realm now. If you can frame your minor inconvenience as a hate crime, you hit the jackpot.

And what of the university administration? These spineless bureaucrats are the true villains of the piece. Faced with a dispute that could have been solved by a stern conversation or a second microwave—cost: $49.99 at Walmart—they allowed the situation to metastasize into a legal payout that costs more than a decade of tuition. This is the 'Higher Ed' business model: bloat the administration with six-figure Vice Deans of Hurt Feelings, charge students extortionate rates, and then use that money to pay off anyone who threatens to expose the fact that the adults have left the building. They didn’t pay $200,000 because they care about justice; they paid it to make the noise stop. It is hush money paid by cowards to avoid a PR cycle on Twitter.

The couple, for their part, have walked away with a settlement that validates the absurdity of the system. While I generally despise the litigious impulse, one almost has to admire the hustle. They managed to monetize the intolerance of their peers. In a capitalist system that is rapidly eating itself, getting paid a fortune because someone was rude about your leftovers is the new American Dream. Why work hard when you can be a victim?

This story is a perfect microcosm of why the West is doomed. We are drowning in a sea of manufactured grievances. The Right will look at this and scream about the woke mind virus, ignoring the fact that their own hostility toward anything 'foreign' breeds this environment. The Left will cheer this as a victory for equity, ignoring the fact that a $200,000 check for microwave drama does nothing to help the actual marginalized working class who can’t afford to eat, let alone sue.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world—places where war, famine, and actual oppression are daily realities—must look at us with a mixture of confusion and contempt. We are fighting over the smell of spinach while the sky falls. Enjoy your settlement. I hope the paneer was worth it.