DAVOS, SWITZERLAND—In a decisive response to the escalating crises of war, economic instability, and unchecked artificial intelligence, the attendees of the 56th World Economic Forum convened Monday to announce a comprehensive strategy of standing on heated balconies and gazing wistfully at the Swiss Alps while sighing.

According to organizers, the world’s political and business elite have acknowledged that the current geopolitical situation is “quite messy,” and have committed to spending the next five days furrowing their brows in deep, performative concern between bites of $400 Wagyu sliders.

“The world is on fire, and that is why it is imperative we fly 1,400 private jets to a ski resort to frown at it,” said Klaus Schwab, looking somber while adjusting a cashmere scarf that costs more than the GDP of a developing nation. “We have scheduled several high-level breakout sessions where CEOs of defense contractors will nod slowly at humanitarian aid directors, thereby generating enough synergy to theoretically stop a tank. Furthermore, regarding AI, we have asked ChatGPT to write a speech about how dangerous ChatGPT is, which we will applaud politely before investing billions into it.”

At press time, the summit concluded early so attendees could participate in a mindfulness workshop titled “Finding Inner Peace While The World Burns Around Your Asset Portfolio.”