CARACAS—Carrying a branded tote bag filled with agency swag and a 400-page employee handbook, C.I.A. Director William Burns arrived in the Venezuelan capital Tuesday to officially walk the nation’s interim president through his onboarding process. “We just want to get you set up with your building badge, show you how to log into the puppet government portal, and go over the dress code for televised addresses regarding ‘freedom,’” said Burns, who reportedly spent the morning helping the new head of state set up direct deposit for his U.S. taxpayer-funded salary before giving him a quick tour of the presidential palace to point out the break room and the emergency exits to use in case the populace revolts. “It’s a lot of information to take in on your first week, I know. Basically, just stick to the script we emailed you, don’t touch the oil reserves without asking a supervisor, and try not to get kidnapped like the last guy in this role. Welcome to the team.” At press time, Burns was seen strictly reminding the interim president that he is on a 90-day probationary period and can be terminated via Black Hawk helicopter at any time.