PESHAWAR—Citing a desire to be considerate neighbors, the Pakistani government announced Tuesday it would deport hundreds of Afghan musicians after receiving a formal noise complaint from the Taliban regarding "unauthorized joy."

"We received several angry reports from Kabul that faint traces of melody, rhythm, and hope were drifting across the border, which violates the Taliban’s strict HOA agreement regarding the maintenance of a desolate, silent void," said Interior Minister Sarfraz Bugti, noting that the deportations were necessary to preserve the "peace and quiet" of the totalitarian theocracy next door. "We initially asked the refugees if they could simply stop possessing talent or perhaps switch to a more silent art form, like mime or despair, but they refused. Ultimately, we have to respect the local noise ordinances of a regime that considers a G-major chord a capital offense. It’s just polite diplomacy."

At press time, the Pakistani government was seen loading several buses with tablas and rubabs, assuring the artists that they were being sent to a "nice farm upstate" where the Taliban had prepared a special bonfire just for them.