The Council on Foreign Relations—that august assembly of individuals who have spent decades being wrong in very expensive suits—has finally weighed in on the geopolitical equivalent of a toxic bromance. Thomas Graham, a 'Distinguished Fellow' (a title that usually translates to 'professional observer of the screamingly obvious'), sat down with France 24 to explain that Donald Trump has a 'unique, sometimes strange affinity' for Vladimir Putin. Stop the presses. A man who plasters his name in gold leaf on every available surface might just have a soft spot for a guy who treats an entire nation like a personal fiefdom? Groundbreaking. Truly, we are blessed to have such intellectual giants among us to point out that the sun is, in fact, somewhat warm.

Graham’s analysis is the kind of high-level intellectual labor that makes one wonder why we bother with universities or think tanks at all. To suggest that Trump has an 'affinity' for strongmen is like suggesting a moth has a 'unique affinity' for a porch light shortly before it smells its own wings burning. It’s not an affinity; it’s an aspiration. It’s the yearning of a reality TV star for the kind of absolute job security that only a rigged election, a state-controlled media, and a convenient window-falling epidemic can provide. Trump doesn't want to lead the 'free world'; he wants the keys to the Kremlin because the floorplan is better and the HR department is just a guy with a silenced pistol.

But let’s look at the meat of Graham’s 'revelation.' He notes that this affinity has been 'found it very difficult to translate into hard policy that actually advances American interests.' Of course it hasn't. Hard policy requires things like reading, sustained focus, and a staff that isn't being cycled through federal courtrooms like a revolving door at a liquidation sale. Trump’s 'diplomacy' was never about advancing interests; it was about the vibe. It was about the aesthetic of two men who both believe they are the smartest person in any room, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. It’s the Geopolitical equivalent of two peacocks screaming at each other in a mirrored hallway.

The Left, naturally, will take this 'affinity' and spin it back into the tired, moth-eaten web of 'Russiagate,' as if Putin is some grand puppet master pulling strings from a shadowy bunker, rather than just another aging autocrat trying to keep his yacht from being seized by the Italians. They desperately want a Tom Clancy spy thriller because it makes their own incompetence feel like part of a grander tragedy. In reality, they are dealing with a comedy of errors. They think Putin has 'kompromat,' failing to realize that Trump’s entire brand is built on being un-embarrassable. You cannot blackmail someone who considers their own character flaws to be 'tremendous assets.'

On the other side of the aisle, the Right-wing sycophants will tell you this is 'Masterful Realpolitik' or 'Great Power Diplomacy,' a 4D chess move that only those with a triple-digit IQ—or a steady diet of lead-infused wellness supplements—can truly comprehend. They see the 'affinity' as a way to 'cool tensions,' ignoring the fact that the only thing being cooled is the concept of a coherent foreign policy. They mistake a schoolyard crush for a grand strategy. They see a man who wants to be liked by the school bully and call it 'peace through strength.' It’s not strength; it’s the pathetic hope that if you’re nice to the tiger, it will eat you last.

What Graham and the rest of the 'Distinguished' crowd fail to mention is the sheer, soul-crushing boredom of the whole affair. We are trapped in a cycle where the most powerful nation on earth is governed not by ideology, or even cold-blooded greed, but by the capricious whims of a man who sees the world as a series of 'strong' or 'weak' characters in a movie that only he is watching. It’s a comic book worldview for a population that stopped reading anything longer than a tweet in 2014. The policy isn't 'hard' or 'soft'; it’s non-existent. It’s a series of gestures and handshakes meant to fill the 24-hour news cycle until the next distraction arrives.

The tragedy isn't that Trump likes Putin; the tragedy is that this is the apex of our political discourse. We have the 'intellectuals' at the CFR stating the obvious, the media at France 24 acting as if this is news, and a public so polarized that half of them think it's treason and the other half think it's a Nobel-worthy performance. In reality, it’s just the predictable friction of two oversized egos rubbing together until the rest of us get burned. Graham says it’s 'strange.' It’s not strange. It’s the most logical thing in the world. In a world of performative nonsense and bureaucratic stagnation, the strongman represents the ultimate shortcut. Why bother with the messy business of 'American interests' when you can just have a 'strange affinity' for the guy who doesn't have to deal with a Congress? It’s not a policy; it’s an exit strategy from the burdens of reality. And as usual, the 'Distinguished Fellows' are just here to narrate the collapse in the most polite, useless terms possible.