Well, children, pull up a chair and let Buck Valor explain how the world ends—not with a bang, but with a ten-percent surcharge on German luxury sedans and French brie. The latest bulletin from the theater of the absurd informs us that come February, eight European nations will be greeted by the warm, orange embrace of a 10% US tariff on all goods and services. It is a masterstroke of economic illiteracy, the kind of plan birthed in the fever dreams of a man who believes trade deficits are a personal debt owed to him by the ghost of Charlemagne. But don’t worry, the Europeans are equally committed to making this as painful as possible for everyone involved.

Let’s look at the American side of this intellectual desert first. The 'Deal-Maker' in Chief has once again decided that the best way to grow an economy is to build a wall around it—not a physical one this time, but a fiscal one made of sheer, unadulterated hubris. The narrative being sold to the American public is that 'the other guy' pays these tariffs. It is a lie so blatant it borders on performance art. In reality, a tariff is nothing more than a sales tax on your own citizens. If you’re a plumber in Ohio or a barista in Oregon, you’re the one paying the extra ten percent so that a billionaire can feel like a tough guy on a global stage. It’s protectionism for dummies, a nostalgic pining for a 19th-century mercantile system that died alongside the horse and buggy. The goal, supposedly, is 'America First,' but the result is invariably 'America Broke.'

But let us not ignore the other side of the Atlantic, where the European Union sits in a state of permanent, bureaucratic paralysis. For decades, the EU has styled itself as the sophisticated adult in the room, the 'rules-based' paragon of diplomacy. In truth, they are a collection of fragile economies held together by red tape and a desperate need to feel superior to Americans. Their response to this tariff threat will be as predictable as it is pathetic: they will form a committee, issue a 'strongly worded' statement, and then retaliate with their own tariffs on American bourbon, motorcycles, and blue jeans. It’s a race to the bottom, and everyone is sprinting. They pretend to be shocked that a protectionist bully would act like a protectionist bully, yet they’ve spent years carving out their own niches of protectionism under the guise of 'standards' and 'safety.'

The real tragedy, of course, isn’t the loss of profit for multinational conglomerates who can afford the lawyers to find the loopholes. No, the real tragedy is the inevitable erosion of what’s left of the middle class. The news video warns that 'less trade means fewer jobs,' and for once, the corporate media isn't lying through its teeth. When you choke the flow of goods, you choke the people who move them, sell them, and buy them. Your job—yes, yours—is a line item on a spreadsheet that some suit in Washington or Brussels is willing to delete to win a news cycle. We are watching two groups of aging narcissists play a game of chicken with the global supply chain, and we are the ones standing in the middle of the road.

Historically, this never ends well. Think back to the Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act of 1930, an American masterpiece of stupidity that helped turn a market correction into the Great Depression. Humanity, in its infinite capacity for repetitive failure, has decided to hit the 'replay' button. We have learned nothing. The Left will blame the 'Orange Menace' and pine for the days of globalist elites who exploited the world more quietly. The Right will cheer for 'sovereignty' while they pay five dollars for a loaf of bread. Both sides are fundamentally incapable of understanding that a global economy is a delicate ecosystem, not a zero-sum game played by schoolyard toddlers.

So, as we approach February, prepare yourself. Prepare for the prices to rise, for the 'Made in America' labels to get more expensive, and for the European 'solidarity' to crumble as each nation tries to cut its own side-deal with the bully in the White House. It is a spectacle of greed and incompetence, a fitting tribute to a species that would rather burn its house down than let a neighbor enjoy the view. In the end, the only thing that will be truly protected is the egos of the people in power, while the rest of us are left to browse the empty shelves of history. Enjoy the show; you’ve already paid for the ticket, and the price is about to go up by ten percent.