CEBU CITY—Following the tragic collapse of a massive garbage mound that claimed 28 lives, local officials held a solemn press conference Monday promising to honor the victims by rebuilding the landfill using only the finest, most durable industrial waste available. 'We have learned a hard lesson that building a residential mountain out of slippery banana peels and loose Styrofoam is simply not up to code,' said Waste Management Director Ricardo Santos, unveiling a new blueprint that utilizes reinforced load-bearing tires and compacted e-waste to ensure maximum stability for the community forced to live underneath it. 'Never again will we cut corners with low-tensile household refuse. The new mound will be constructed with an unshakable foundation of discarded appliances and cemented together with the highest grade toxic sludge, ensuring it stands tall for generations of scavengers to come.' At press time, rescue efforts were briefly paused so dump trucks could begin depositing the first layer of safety-rated scrap metal.