Another revolution around the sun, another January 20th, and yet another evening news bulletin designed to convince the lobotomized masses that the tectonic shifts of our collective failure are actually 'breaking news.' I am Buck Valor, and if you are reading this, you have clearly exhausted every other form of self-harm available in the digital age. Today’s bulletin, a curated slurry of European malaise and global dysfunction, serves as a grim reminder that while the calendar flips, the script remains written by the same cast of uninspired hacks and parasitic elites. We are currently trapped in the one-year anniversary of the last major Western political upheaval, and the results are exactly as pathetic as I predicted: a world that is slightly more expensive, significantly more stupid, and perpetually on the brink of a crisis that never quite has the decency to end us all.

Let’s start with the European Union, that magnificent, bloated experiment in seeing how many bureaucrats can dance on the head of a pin while the pin is being melted down for scrap metal. The 'latest news' out of Brussels today suggests more of the same: 'strategic autonomy' talk that translates to 'we have no plan and even less fossil fuel.' The EU remains a collection of states held together by nothing more than a shared love of paperwork and a mutual fear of their own shadows. They speak of 'unity' while the various capitals bicker over who gets to sell the most weaponry to the next doomed proxy state. It is a masterclass in performative governance where the Left hand is busy tweeting about carbon neutrality while the Right hand is signing contracts for coal power from the very regimes they spent all morning condemning. It would be funny if it weren’t so boringly predictable.

Across the Atlantic, the Americans are marking their one-year milestone of their latest democratic tantrum. Whether they are currently being governed by a reactionary narcissist or a sentient piece of melba toast is irrelevant; the outcome is the same. The US remains a country where 'Politics' is just professional wrestling for people who think they’re too smart for sports. The evening bulletin dutifully reports on the 'Business' and 'Economy' sectors, which is just a sophisticated way of telling you that the billionaires are doing fine while you are being priced out of the ability to even dream of home ownership. They use terms like 'market resilience' and 'inflationary cooling' to describe the slow-motion theft of your future. The Right calls it 'freedom,' the Left calls it 'equity,' and the rest of us call it a dumpster fire.

The 'World' section of this bulletin is equally nauseating. We are treated to the usual parade of summits where men in bespoke suits pretend to care about the global south while ensuring that the global north remains the only place with functioning air conditioning. The hypocrisy is so thick you could choke on it. These summits are essentially just high-stakes networking events for the people responsible for the problems they are 'discussing.' They move the goalposts on climate change, human rights, and trade agreements with the practiced ease of a shell-game artist.

Then there is the 'Culture' and 'Travel' segment—the final, glittering insult to the injury of existence. In a world where the average citizen is one missed paycheck away from homelessness, the news thinks it’s appropriate to recommend 'undiscovered gems' in the Mediterranean or the latest 'must-see' immersive art installation that is nothing more than a projector and a high-priced gift shop. It is a grotesque distraction, a way to keep the plebeians looking at the horizon while their pockets are being picked. It’s the digital equivalent of a lobotomy, offering 'lifestyle' tips to a population that has no style and even less life.

In short, the news of January 20th, 2026, is a testament to human inertia. We are not moving forward; we are simply vibrating in place, generating heat but no light. The 'Business' is the business of extraction, the 'Politics' is the politics of distraction, and the 'World' is a place that would be much better off if it were populated by something other than humans. I’ve seen enough of these evening bulletins to know that tomorrow will be exactly the same, only slightly more expensive and with a new set of buzzwords to justify why everything is falling apart. Go to bed. Nothing has changed, and nothing ever will as long as you keep tuning in to this cacophony of the damned.