MOSCOW—In what the Kremlin is calling a “paradigm-shifting tactical adaptation” to 21st-century warfare, the Russian High Command announced Tuesday that their primary strategy for countering drone strikes will now be to simply deploy more armored vehicles than the enemy has AA batteries to operate them.

Following a heated, months-long debate between military analysts and top brass regarding the obsolescence of traditional armor, General Valery Gerasimov reportedly ended the discussion by slamming his fist onto a map and declaring that “quantity has a quality all its own, especially when the enemy forgot to bring their portable chargers.”

“We have run the simulations, and the math is undeniable,” said Defense Ministry spokesman Igor Konashenkov. “A standard commercial quadcopter has a flight time of perhaps 25 minutes. A Soviet-era T-62 burns for at least 45 minutes. By strictly adhering to a strategy of saturation, we will exhaust the lithium-ion supply of the West before lunch. The tank is not obsolete; it is merely serving a new purpose as a kinetic energy sponge.”

At press time, the Ministry of Defense was reportedly rolling out a new modernization package for the T-90 tank, which consists of removing the reactive armor and replacing it with a soldier standing on the turret holding a very large butterfly net.