WEST ANTARCTICA—Taking advantage of a rare break in the cloud cover to ferry equipment to the unstable surface, a frantic team of climatologists touched down on the so-called 'Doomsday Glacier' Tuesday with the urgent goal of pitching their tents before the ground beneath them turns into the Southern Ocean. 'We have a very narrow window of opportunity to conduct our research, specifically the 45 minutes or so before this entire ice shelf calves off and sends us all drifting toward the equator,' said lead researcher Dr. Elias Thorne, hurriedly duct-taping a seismometer to a patch of slush that was visibly dissolving into seawater. 'The break in the weather allowed our helicopters to land, drop us off, and immediately abandon us so we can get a front-row seat to the coastline collapse. It’s a race against time to see if we can gather enough data to confirm that we are, scientifically speaking, completely screwed, before my sleeping bag floats to Chile.' At press time, the research team was reportedly scrambling to recalibrate their instruments after the camp’s latrine drifted past them at 15 knots.