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Don't Look Down: The FAA Invites You to Play International Chicken Over the Pacific

Buck Valor
Written by
Buck ValorPersiflating Non-Journalist
Friday, January 16, 2026
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A cynical, tired-looking middle-aged man with messy hair and a sharp suit, sitting in a dark, smoke-filled room. He is staring at a computer screen showing a map of the Pacific Ocean with red 'danger' zones. In the background, a television shows a grainy image of a warship next to a commercial airplane. The aesthetic is dark, satirical, and noir-inspired.
(Original Image Source: nytimes.com)

The Federal Aviation Administration, that august body of clipboard-clutching bureaucrats whose primary function is to ensure your seatback tray is locked while the world burns, has issued a new set of 'advisories.' It seems the Pacific waters off Mexico, Colombia, Ecuador, and Panama are currently hosting a festive gathering of 'military activity.' In the parlance of the state, 'caution' is the word of the day. It is a delightfully toothless term, isn't it? One exercises caution when traversing a damp sidewalk or approaching a buffet of questionable shrimp. One does not typically 'exercise caution' when entering an airspace where heavy machinery designed for the express purpose of rapid deconstruction is being actively calibrated. Yet, here we are, with the FAA issuing seven warnings like they’re helpful tips on a TripAdvisor forum for war zones.

The geography of this specific warning is a greatest-hits tour of regional instability. From the cartel-riddled coastlines of Mexico down to the perpetually 'restructuring' states of Colombia and Ecuador, and finally to Panama—the world’s favorite shortcut for money and ships—the Pacific is apparently teeming with men in uniforms playing with very expensive toys. The FAA remains characteristically vague about whose military is doing what. Is it the American Navy asserting its 'freedom of navigation' while simultaneously eyeing the local lithium deposits? Is it a collection of regional juntas trying to prove they still have a functional navy that isn't just three rafts and a megaphone? Or perhaps it’s the usual shadow dance between state actors and the well-funded paramilitaries who actually run the logistics of the Southern Hemisphere. Regardless, the message is clear: the ocean is currently a shooting gallery, and you’re the clay pigeon.

There is a profound, almost poetic stupidity in the FAA’s suggestion that pilots 'stay away' from these areas. It implies that a commercial pilot, tasked with moving three hundred snoring vacationers from Los Angeles to Bogota, has the leisure to simply veer off course because some bored admiral decided to test a new radar-jamming suite. These advisories are the ultimate 'not my problem' from the Department of Transportation. By 'urging caution,' the government effectively shifts the liability onto the pilot. If a stray missile decides to get intimate with a Boeing 737, the bureaucracy can simply shrug and point to the memo. 'We told them to be careful,' they’ll say, while the wreckage provides a new artificial reef for the Pacific marine life.

The political response to this will be, as always, a race to the bottom of the intellectual barrel. The Right will undoubtedly frame this as a symptom of 'weakness,' demanding that we send more destroyers to turn the Pacific into an American-owned swimming pool. They’ll grumble about 'sovereignty' while forgetting that the ocean doesn’t belong to anyone except the sharks. Meanwhile, the performative Left will likely draft a series of strongly worded tweets about the 'militarization of transit corridors,' as if a navy has ever been deterred by a well-placed hashtag or a plea for 'dialogue.' Both sides are equally invested in the theater of conflict; they just disagree on the costume department. The reality is that these military exercises are just another way for failing states and bloated empires to flex muscles that are increasingly atrophied by their own domestic incompetence.

Imagine the passengers on these flights. They sit in their cramped, recycled-air cocoons, debating whether to pay twelve dollars for a box of stale crackers, completely oblivious to the fact that beneath them, multi-billion-dollar vessels are practicing the fine art of sinking things. We live in a world where the peak of human technological achievement—intercontinental flight—is perpetually at the mercy of the most primitive human instinct: the desire to hit things with a bigger stick. The FAA’s warning is just a reminder that our modern conveniences are built on top of a volatile soup of aggression and ego. We are monkeys in metal tubes, flying over slightly more aggressive monkeys in gray ships, and the best advice we can produce is to 'exercise caution.'

The Pacific off Latin America has long been a playground for the world’s various 'activities,' both legal and otherwise. Adding 'unspecified military activity' to the mix is like adding a grenade to a grease fire. It won't change the outcome; it just makes the explosion more interesting for the observers. For those of us watching from the sidelines, there is a grim satisfaction in seeing the official warnings finally match the underlying reality. The world is not a safe place, the sky is not a sanctuary, and the government's only real job is to make sure you were warned before the inevitable occurs. So, by all means, keep your seatbelts fastened. It won't help if a surface-to-air missile decides to audit your flight path, but at least the FAA will have the satisfaction of knowing you followed the rules until the very end. It is a fitting metaphor for the human condition: following the instructions to the letter while plummeting toward a disaster you have no power to prevent.

This story is an interpreted work of social commentary based on real events. Source: NY Times

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