TYROL—In a press release issued shortly after burying eight skiers in a single day, the Austrian Alps confirmed Monday that they have successfully met their February quota for swallowing wealthy adventure-seekers whole. 'We were worried we wouldn’t hit our numbers given the mild winter, but fortunately, a group of guys who watched a YouTube documentary on backcountry survival decided to test their luck,' said the 12,000-foot peaks in a joint statement, noting that the mountain range has been working hard to maintain its reputation as a hostile geological death trap rather than a glorified theme park. 'We’d like to thank the Swiss and French Alps for their competitive spirit over the last week, but today, the glory belongs to Austria. We look forward to digesting these lift passes and regurgitating the skis in the spring thaw.' At press time, a spokes-mountain for the region added that they are currently scouting for a tech entrepreneur to crush next week to really round out the quarter.