LOS ANGELES—Taking a long, shaky drag from a cigarette while staring blankly into the middle distance, veteran awards season correspondent Gil Halloway sat down with reporters Monday to recount the psychological toll of tracking the sheer brutality of this year’s Oscar race. “You think you know war? You don’t know war until you’ve been boots-on-the-ground at the Santa Barbara International Film Festival, watching a Best Adapted Screenplay frontrunner bleed out because they didn't shake enough hands at the Nominees Luncheon,” whispered Halloway, 44, who appeared visibly aged by the last three months spent analyzing narrative momentum and precursor award statistics. “I’ve seen good men lose their minds trying to decipher if a standing ovation at Venice actually meant anything or if it was just the Italians being polite. I saw a promising biopic get ambushed by a dark horse indie in the Golden Globes trenches. The carnage... the sheer number of 'For Your Consideration' ads... it changes a man.” At press time, Halloway was seen diving for cover under a table after hearing the popping of a champagne cork, screaming that the Academy voters were flanking him.