Once again, the world’s most expensive collection of carbon-emitting moralists has gathered in the Swiss Alps to perform their annual ritual of public hand-wringing and private self-congratulation. Davos 2026 has arrived, bringing with it the familiar stench of jet fuel and intellectual bankruptcy. It is the World Economic Forum—a place where the people who broke the world meet to discuss why the world is broken, while charging fifty dollars for a bottle of sparkling water. This year’s festivities are particularly delicious in their absurdity, as the 'global order' supposedly crumbles under the weight of the very egos that built it.

The primary entertainment this year isn't the overpriced hors d'oeuvres, but the escalating domestic dispute between the United States and its European 'allies.' It is a divorce proceeding played out in slow motion, televised for the amusement of those of us who realized years ago that the 'special relationship' was always just a euphemism for mutual exploitation. The Americans, currently masquerading as a global hegemon while their own internal gears grind with the sound of a rusted woodchipper, are snarling about unilateralism. It is a staggering feat of irony for a nation that treats international law like a buffet—picking what it likes and coughing on the rest—to suddenly find itself offended when the rest of the world decides to play the same game.

On the other side of the fondue pot, we have the European leaders, those magnificent curators of bureaucratic irrelevance. They are warning of a 'crumbling world order' with the kind of performative angst usually reserved for failed playwrights. The EU’s sudden realization that the US might not be their permanent security blanket is less a moment of geopolitical clarity and more a realization that they’ve forgotten how to walk without a walker. They talk of 'strategic autonomy' while remaining unable to agree on the color of the sky without three committee meetings and a veto from a country with the GDP of a suburban shopping mall.

The theme of the week is 'Rising Unilateralism,' which is elite-speak for 'everyone is finally admitting they only care about themselves.' The globalists are in a state of mourning because the veneer of cooperation is peeling off, revealing the raw, ugly wood of national self-interest underneath. They speak of the 'multilateral system' as if it were a sacred relic, conveniently forgetting that this system was designed primarily to ensure that the people currently in the room at Davos stayed in charge of everyone else’s resources. The order isn’t 'crumbling' because of some mysterious outside force; it is collapsing because it was a pyramid scheme that ran out of suckers.

Then, of course, there is the Mandatory AI Panic. The tech moguls, who have spent the last decade funneling billions into the very algorithms they now claim to fear, are performing a choreographed dance of concern. They warn of AI’s threat to the 'world’s workforce,' a phrase that, in Davos-speak, translates to 'the billions of people we have already rendered economically redundant but would rather not have to deal with in a revolution.' The hypocrisy is so thick you could ski on it. These are the same titans of industry who would replace their own mothers with a chatbot if it improved their quarterly margins by half a percent. Their 'concern' is nothing more than a demand for regulation that protects their own monopolies under the guise of 'safety.' They don't fear the machine; they fear losing control of the lever.

Ultimately, Davos 2026 is a funeral masquerading as a summit. The leaders warn of a 'shattering' world order while they hold the hammers in their hands. The Left will complain that there isn’t enough diversity in the room where the world is being dismantled; the Right will complain that the globalists are trying to take away their right to dismantle it themselves. Both sides are merely arguing over who gets to preside over the liquidation of the future. As the US and EU trade barbs over trade barriers and security pacts, the rest of the world watches with a mixture of boredom and contempt. We are witnessing the death of a consensus that never actually existed for anyone who didn't have a VIP pass. The mountain is tall, the air is thin, and the intellectual oxygen has completely run out. Good luck to the workforce, good luck to the order, and God help anyone who actually believes a single word being uttered in this Alpine echo chamber.