Well, here we are again. Another day, another 'strategic partnership' designed to ensure you never have to interact with another human being as long as you live. Signet Bank has decided to drop a cool 6.88 million euros into AS PUTO, the Baltic titan of the self-service car wash industry. Because if there’s one thing the world needs right now, it’s more ways to avoid making eye contact while cleaning the road salt off a leased crossover.

Let’s look past the PR fluff about 'infrastructure development' and 'technological advancement.' What we’re actually seeing is the pinnacle of the modern economic dream: a business model where the customer does all the work, a machine collects the money, and the bank takes the skim. It’s the ultimate contactless experience—not just for your car, but for the bank’s conscience. They aren't investing in 'cleanliness'; they’re investing in the fact that human labor is expensive, annoying, and prone to asking for things like 'living wages.' A 'portal-type' car wash doesn't need a pension plan.

Signet Bank is positioning this as a move to support local business growth. Translation? They found a low-risk, high-margin utility that people will use regardless of whether the economy is booming or crashing. Because even when you’re underwater on your mortgage, you still want your rims to sparkle. It’s the ‘Lipstick Effect’ but for people who own pressure washers.

And let’s talk about that name—AS PUTO. In the world of branding, you’d think someone might have checked a dictionary outside of the Baltic region, but perhaps the irony is intentional. It’s fitting for a political and economic landscape where the terminology is as blurred as a windshield in a mid-cycle rinse. We’re told this is progress. We’re told this is innovation. In reality, it’s just 6.88 million euros worth of automated soap dispensers designed to keep us moving through the system as efficiently as possible. Scrub, rinse, pay, repeat. Just don’t expect the bank to hand you a towel when it’s over.