In the grand, fetid theater of international diplomacy, there is nothing quite as amusing as watching one group of self-important narcissists shove another group of self-important narcissists out of the limelight. The latest act in this tragicomedy finds the United States elbowing France away from the Armenia-Azerbaijan peace process like a linebacker at a clearance sale. The vehicle for this diplomatic heist? The 'Trump Route for International Peace and Prosperity,' or TRIPP. One must admire the sheer, unadulterated hubris required to name a peace initiative after a man whose primary contribution to international relations was a series of capitalized insults on a dying social media platform. But here we are, watching the State Department slap a fresh coat of 'Prosperity' paint onto a region soaked in centuries of blood and mutual loathing.

France, of course, is absolutely despondent. For decades, Paris has clung to its role in the Minsk Group with the desperate grip of a silent film star refusing to acknowledge the advent of the talkies. Emmanuel Macron, a man whose chin is permanently tilted toward a visual representation of his own ego, has long imagined himself the arbiter of Caucasian destiny. He truly believed that the prestige of the Quai d'Orsay and a few sternly worded press releases from the Élysée Palace could hold back the tide of geopolitical reality. Instead, he’s been sidelined, relegated to the role of a disgruntled observer while the Americans roll in with their shiny new acronym. It is a delicious humiliation for the French, who have always viewed the Americans as uncultured boors, only to be reminded that in the modern world, a boor with a bigger stick and a better branding agency always wins.

Let’s look at the TRIPP initiative itself. The 'Trump Route for International Peace and Prosperity' is a title so aggressively vacuous that it could only have been birthed in a boardroom filled with people who view human suffering as a mere logistical hurdle to trade. The word 'Prosperity' is the tell, isn't it? It’s the universal code for 'we don't care who gets killed as long as the pipelines keep flowing and the transport corridors are open for business.' It is the ultimate American contribution to statecraft: the transformation of a humanitarian disaster into a real estate opportunity. They aren't seeking to heal the deep-seated ethnic and territorial wounds of the South Caucasus; they are simply trying to pave over the mass graves to make way for a more efficient supply chain. It’s not a peace deal; it’s a logistics contract with better lighting.

On the other side of this diplomatic charade, we have Armenia and Azerbaijan, two nations that have spent the last thirty years proving that the only thing humans love more than their land is the opportunity to watch their neighbors lose it. They aren't victims in this American takeover; they are willing participants in a game of 'Who Can Offer Us the Best Bribe?' The leaders in Baku and Yerevan know exactly what the TRIPP is: a chance to pivot their grievances toward whoever is currently holding the checkbook. They aren't looking for a lasting peace; they are looking for a temporary reprieve that allows them to rearm and wait for the next shift in the global winds. They play the Americans against the French, the Russians against the Turks, all while their citizens continue to die for the sake of borders that were drawn by bored bureaucrats in 1920.

The Right in America will undoubtedly hail this as a masterstroke of 'America First' pragmatism, ignoring the fact that TRIPP is just the latest in a long line of American interventions that leave a trail of broken promises and 'mission accomplished' banners in their wake. They love the branding because it sounds strong, yet they couldn't find Nagorno-Karabakh on a map if their lives depended on it. Meanwhile, the Left will wring their hands over the exclusion of 'multilateral partners' like France, as if the inclusion of more European bureaucrats would somehow make the process less of a cynical land grab. They mourn the loss of 'diplomatic norms,' which is really just code for 'the polite way we used to ignore these conflicts while they festered.'

In the end, the TRIPP initiative is exactly what we deserve: a peace process named after a brand, managed by a fading superpower, and designed to humiliate a secondary power that still thinks it’s 1815. It is a monument to the hollowness of our age. There is no soul in this deal, no genuine concern for the Armenians who have lost their homes or the Azerbaijanis who have lost their sons. There is only the 'Route.' There is only the 'Prosperity' of the few. As the United States takes the lead, pushing the French into the shadows of history, we are reminded that the more things change, the more they remain the same—vicious, stupid, and profoundly boring. Welcome to the TRIPP. Mind the bodies on your way through.