The financial press is currently fluttering like a flock of panicked pigeons over the startling revelation that recessions have become 'ultra-rare.' They speak of this as if it were a glitch in the Matrix, a terrifying deviation from the natural order where we all occasionally lose our homes and dignity for the greater good of a spreadsheet. But let’s be clear: this isn’t a miracle of modern policy. It’s the economic equivalent of chronic constipation. We have spent decades gorging ourselves on the cheap calories of low interest rates and infinite liquidity, and now the global body politic is so bloated it can barely move, let alone innovate.

In the old days, a recession was nature’s way of taking out the trash. It was a cleansing fire that burned away the 'zombie' companies—those pathetic, shambling corporate entities that only exist because the debt is cheap and the regulators are asleep. But now, we’ve decided that failure is a sin. We have collectively agreed that no one, especially not a billionaire with a failed logistics startup, should ever have to face the consequences of their own stupidity. As a result, the economy has become a protected wetland for incompetence. We are no longer living in a market; we are living in a hospice where every moribund industry is kept on a permanent morphine drip of taxpayer-funded bailouts and central bank interventions.

The Right, of course, will tell you that this is the triumph of the 'job creators,' ignoring the fact that these job creators are mostly just creating jobs for bankruptcy lawyers and lobbyists. They scream about the 'free market' while clutching the hem of the Federal Reserve’s robes, begging for another interest rate cut the moment their portfolio dips by half a percentage point. They want the rewards of capitalism with the safety net of a Nordic welfare state—but only for the C-suite. Their idea of 'growth' is a line on a chart that goes up forever, fueled by the hollowed-out husks of the middle class and a mountain of plastic waste. It’s a vision of the future that is as sustainable as a bonfire in a fireworks factory.

On the other side of the aisle, the Left is equally deluded, convinced that we can simply print our way into a utopia where everyone has a government-funded podcast and a sustainable garden. They decry 'inequality' while supporting the very monetary policies that inflate asset prices, making the rich richer while the poor get to enjoy the privilege of paying six dollars for a head of wilted lettuce. They don't want to fix the system; they want to put a 'Coexist' sticker on the bulldozer as it levels the last remnants of financial reality. They view a recession as a moral failing of the state rather than a necessary biological function of an overextended civilization.

The result of this bipartisan cowardice is an economy that is 'fat and slow.' We are suffocating under the weight of our own success. By preventing the small fires, we have ensured that the eventual blaze will be a planetary extinction event. We have built a world of 'too big to fail' and 'too stupid to quit.' Every time we 'save' the economy, we are just delaying the inevitable, adding another layer of fat to a heart that is already struggling to pump. We have forgotten that for things to grow, things must also die. We are a society that has banned the winter and is now wondering why the forest is full of rot and disease.

Look at the 'innovation' we’ve produced during this era of eternal growth. We don't invent things that solve problems anymore; we invent things that extract rent. We have apps that deliver sugar-water to your door in fifteen minutes, and algorithms designed to keep you scrolling through pictures of people you hate. This is the 'dynamism' that the rare-recession era has gifted us: a trillion-dollar industry dedicated to turning human attention into a commodity. It is the peak of human achievement, apparently. We have avoided economic pain only to replace it with a soul-crushing, stagnant boredom that permeates every level of existence.

So, when you read that recessions are rare, don't celebrate. Don't think the 'experts' have finally figured out how to steer the ship. They haven't. They’ve just welded the throttle into the 'forward' position and disabled the brakes. We are hurtling toward a brick wall of reality at a thousand miles an hour, and we’re all sitting in the back seat arguing about whose fault it is while the engine smokes and the tires melt. Enjoy the growth while it lasts, because the crash isn't just coming—it’s going to be the only thing left that feels real.