PARIS—Explaining that he simply couldn’t bear to delay the nation’s beloved tradition of setting compact cars on fire for another week, French Prime Minister Sébastien Lecornu invoked Article 49.3 on Tuesday to force the new budget through Parliament without a vote. “Why waste valuable hours debating fiscal policy when we could skip straight to the part where the Place de la Concorde fills with tear gas and angry farmers?” asked Lecornu, noting that bypassing the legislative process was the most efficient way to ensure the public’s adrenaline levels remained critically high. “I am merely cutting out the middleman—democracy—so we can proceed immediately to the vote of no confidence, which will give me a thrilling 50-50 shot of being unemployed by Friday.” At press time, Lecornu was seen preparing for the political fallout by nonchalantly lighting a cigarette off a burning pile of garbage outside the Élysée Palace.