In the serene, tax-sheltered enclave of Switzerland, where the air is as crisp as a fresh banknote and the moral compasses are perpetually set to 'neutrality-at-all-costs,' we find our latest installment of human depravity. The Moretti couple, whose previous claim to fame was likely overcharging for mediocre lager, have found themselves in the unenviable position of presiding over a funeral pyre. Naturally, in the grand tradition of modern accountability—which is to say, none at all—their legal representatives have emerged from their mahogany-paneled crypts to decry the 'vindictiveness' of a public that generally frowns upon being burned alive. It is truly a masterclass in the audacity of the mediocre.

The lawyers for the Morettis have issued their first public statement since their clients’ establishment decided to undergo a spontaneous, fatal renovation. The rhetoric is as predictable as it is nauseating. They speak of 'lies' and 'misinformation,' as if the charred remains of a building and the subsequent body count were merely a PR hiccup that could be smoothed over with a better Instagram filter. It is the quintessential defense of the modern age: when reality becomes inconvenient, simply label it a conspiracy. The audacity to claim 'vindictiveness' in the wake of a tragedy is a stroke of litigious genius that only a soul-sucking legal team could conceive. It implies that the families of the deceased and the investigators sifting through the soot are the real aggressors here, heartlessly bullying two poor bar owners who just wanted to profit from the basic human desire to get drunk in a confined space.

Let’s look at the players in this tragicomedy. On one side, we have the Morettis, who represent that special brand of bourgeois negligence. To them, fire codes were likely just annoying suggestions written by bureaucrats who didn’t understand the 'vibe' of their establishment. The Swiss authorities, meanwhile, are performing their usual dance of bureaucratic sluggishness, ensuring that every form is filed in triplicate while the truth evaporates like steam off a hot fondue. And then there’s the public—that fickle, bloodthirsty mob that loves a good tragedy almost as much as they love a discount. They cry for justice now, but they were likely the same people happily ignoring the blocked exits and frayed wiring as long as the drinks were flowing. The hypocrisy is so thick you could cut it with a Swiss Army knife, though I wouldn’t recommend it; the blade would probably snap under the weight of the collective delusion.

The defense's complaint about 'vindictiveness' is particularly delicious. It suggests that there is a proper, polite way to react when people die due to what appears to be monumental incompetence. Perhaps the survivors should have sent a sternly worded letter or a gift basket of chocolates before daring to suggest that the owners might be at fault. The legal team is effectively arguing for the 'right to be negligent without being judged.' It’s an extension of the participation trophy culture, scaled up to include manslaughter. Everyone is a victim; no one is responsible. The Morettis are 'devastated,' we are told. Of course they are. They’re devastated that their revenue stream has turned to ash and that they might actually have to face something resembling a consequence for their actions.

This entire saga is a microcosm of the global decline. We live in a world where words have been stripped of their meaning by high-priced mouthpieces. 'Vindictiveness' now means 'noticing a crime happened.' 'Lies' now means 'facts that make me look bad.' The Swiss legal system, famously precise, is now being used to blur the lines of basic cause and effect. It is a spectacle of intellectual dishonesty that would be impressive if it weren't so profoundly boring. We are witnessing the slow-motion collapse of the social contract, where the wealthy and the connected can incinerate their patrons and then sue the public for hurting their feelings. It is the ultimate expression of the 'me-first' philosophy that governs our rotting civilization.

Ultimately, the Morettis will likely escape with a slap on the wrist and a stern warning to be more careful with their matches in the future. Their lawyers will collect their exorbitant fees, the public will find a new tragedy to be performatively outraged about, and the cycle of negligence will continue unabated. In the end, the only thing that truly burned in that Swiss bar was the last shred of human decency. But don't worry—I'm sure the lawyers can find a way to litigate that away too. After all, feeling bad about the deaths of others is just another form of 'vindictiveness' that the enlightened among us simply cannot abide.