Buck Valor here, reporting from the intersection of delusion and taxpayer-funded travel. You’ve heard the news: a ‘bipartisan’ group of Senators has touched down in Denmark. Usually, ‘bipartisan’ is the word Washington uses when they want to spend money on something neither side can explain to their constituents, and this trip is a masterclass in the genre.

Our elected officials are currently engaged in a frantic round of diplomatic triage. They’re over there eating expensive herring and trying to explain to the Danes—with a straight face—that just because the President wants to slap a ‘Trump’ sign on the Arctic doesn’t mean the U.S. is officially pivoting to a policy of 19th-century colonial land grabs. It’s the ultimate babysitting gig. One guy threatens to buy a sovereign territory like he’s picking up a fixer-upper in Queens, and the rest of the government has to fly across the Atlantic to assure everyone that, no, we haven’t completely lost the plot.

Let’s be real about what this is. This isn't high-level strategy; it’s a performative vacation. The Senators get to look 'statesmanlike' against a backdrop of Scandinavian architecture, and the Danes get to nod politely while wondering if the next U.S. export will be a fleet of bulldozers for the ice caps. Meanwhile, the administration is busy announcing tariffs as a ‘thank you’ for Denmark’s refusal to sell off their territory. It’s like trying to buy your neighbor’s house, getting told no, and then deciding to charge them a fee every time they walk on their own sidewalk.

The tragedy here isn't the absurdity—we’re used to that. The tragedy is the sheer, transparent theater of it all. These Senators know they have zero influence over the President’s Twitter finger or his sudden interest in glacial real estate. They’re there to provide the illusion of stability while the foundation is visibly cracking. They’ll talk about 'shared values' and 'strategic partnerships' until the flight home, where they’ll go right back to ignoring the fact that our foreign policy has become a series of late-night infomercials. Stay cynical, folks. It’s the only way to stay sane.