TEHRAN—Praising the resounding success of their latest civic engagement initiative, Iranian government officials announced Monday that the nation has officially entered a “Golden Age of Agreement” now that every single person with a differing opinion has been detained, beaten, or shot. “We are thrilled to report that the noise complaints from the street have dropped to zero following our strategic deployment of live ammunition,” said spokesperson General Hossein Salami, noting that the “massive disappointment” reported by residents was actually just a solemn, silent reverence for the state’s theological jurisprudence. “It turns out the most effective way to win a debate is to simply vanish the opponent into a black site for an indefinite period. We looked around Tehran this morning, saw absolutely no one, and realized we have finally achieved a perfect consensus.” At press time, the Ministry of Interior was reportedly celebrating a fresh 100% approval rating polling among the three guys left in the capital who are currently holding the guns.