WASHINGTON—Demonstrating a keen understanding of geopolitical optics during his aggressive return to the world stage, President Donald Trump reportedly flexed his diplomatic power Monday by conducting a bilateral summit with Volodymyr Zelensky entirely from atop a 12-foot aluminum lifeguard tower installed in the center of the Oval Office. Sources confirmed that the Ukrainian president was forced to crane his neck at a painful 85-degree angle for the duration of the 40-minute meeting, while Trump, wearing a suit jacket with swim trunks and blowing a silver whistle whenever the interpreter spoke too long, shouted policy demands through a bullhorn. White House aides noted that the power dynamic was further solidified when Trump refused to lower a bucket for the exchange of official documents, instead forcing the visiting dignitary to jump repeatedly in an attempt to slap a proposed trade agreement into the President’s outstretched hand. At press time, Trump had concluded the negotiation by looking through a pair of binoculars at the diplomat standing four feet away and declaring the pool closed.