ANDALUCIA—Calling the tragic incident “heavy-handed” and “derivative,” cultural critics and theologians alike slammed the Universe Tuesday for the lazy scriptwriting displayed in the recent Andalucia train crash that claimed 40 lives. “Honestly, a police officer, a group of truth-seeking journalists, and a wholesome family returning from a musical? It’s just too on the nose,” said lead reality critic Jonathan Vogh, noting that grouping such a sympathetic, demographically diverse cast of characters on a single doomed transport is a cheap emotional tactic usually reserved for network TV season finales. “It’s blatant manipulation. The writers clearly couldn't figure out how to naturally conclude these character arcs, so they just threw them all into a deus ex machina disaster to force a reaction from the audience. I mean, the family was literally singing songs from a musical? That is the kind of heavy-handed foreshadowing I expect from a student film, not the fabric of space-time.” At press time, God was reportedly scrambling to save the narrative by introducing a miraculous survivor with amnesia to keep viewers engaged for the next news cycle.