Exiled Russian Intellectual Shocked To Learn ‘I Hate Putin’ T-Shirt Does Not Grant Unlimited License To Critique Ukrainian Logistics


RIGA—Expressing profound confusion regarding the terms of his asylum, self-described “Good Russian” and former Moscow podcast host Sergei Volkov reported Tuesday that he was stunned to discover that his public opposition to the Kremlin did not, in fact, serve as a wild card permit to offer unsolicited advice on Ukrainian diplomatic protocols.
“I assumed that once I crossed the border and ordered a flat white in English, I had earned the moral authority to loudly explain why Kyiv’s rhetoric is becoming a bit ‘too aggressive’ for my taste,” said Volkov, wiping a freshly thrown tomato from the lapel of his corduroy blazer. “I told the refugees at the next table that while I condemn the invasion, I also condemn the lack of nuance in Zelenskyy’s sweatshirt choices, and suddenly *I’m* the bad guy? I thought this was Europe. I thought we valued the marketplace of ideas, specifically *my* ideas about how the victims of aggression should behave more politely.”
At press time, Volkov was seen frantically Googling which Baltic state has the highest tolerance for devil’s advocates before deciding to just sit in his apartment and nod silently for the next six years.
This story is an interpreted work of social commentary based on real events. Source: NY Times