Breaking News: Reality is crumbling

The Daily Absurdity

Unfiltered. Unverified. Unbelievable.

Home/World

Exiled Russian Intellectual Shocked To Learn ‘I Hate Putin’ T-Shirt Does Not Grant Unlimited License To Critique Ukrainian Logistics

Buck Valor
Written by
Buck ValorPersiflating Non-Journalist
Friday, January 16, 2026
Share this story
A sad-looking man with messy hair and round glasses sitting in a trendy European coffee shop wearing a shirt that says 'One Of The Good Ones' in Cyrillic. He is holding a lukewarm latte and looking confused while a group of people at the next table glare at him with intense hostility. Photorealistic style, news editorial photography.

RIGA—Expressing profound confusion regarding the terms of his asylum, self-described “Good Russian” and former Moscow podcast host Sergei Volkov reported Tuesday that he was stunned to discover that his public opposition to the Kremlin did not, in fact, serve as a wild card permit to offer unsolicited advice on Ukrainian diplomatic protocols.

“I assumed that once I crossed the border and ordered a flat white in English, I had earned the moral authority to loudly explain why Kyiv’s rhetoric is becoming a bit ‘too aggressive’ for my taste,” said Volkov, wiping a freshly thrown tomato from the lapel of his corduroy blazer. “I told the refugees at the next table that while I condemn the invasion, I also condemn the lack of nuance in Zelenskyy’s sweatshirt choices, and suddenly *I’m* the bad guy? I thought this was Europe. I thought we valued the marketplace of ideas, specifically *my* ideas about how the victims of aggression should behave more politely.”

At press time, Volkov was seen frantically Googling which Baltic state has the highest tolerance for devil’s advocates before deciding to just sit in his apartment and nod silently for the next six years.

This story is an interpreted work of social commentary based on real events. Source: NY Times

Distribute the Absurdity

Enjoying the Apocalypse?

Journalism is dead, but our server costs are very much alive. Throw a coin to your local cynic to keep the lights on while we watch the world burn.

Tax Deductible? Probably Not.

Comments (0)

Loading comments...