NUUK—In a flurry of activity sparked by renewed reports of Donald Trump’s interest in purchasing their autonomous territory, the 56,000 residents of Greenland have reportedly begun the exhausting process of bringing the island up to the real estate mogul's aesthetic code.

“We heard he was looking at the property again, so we immediately started spray-painting the permafrost gold and replacing all our indigenous sled dogs with purebred Afghan Hounds,” said local fisherman turned concierge Malik Egede, who was busy installing a brass revolving door on the front of his igloo. “We know the drill. If we don’t make the fjords look like the lobby of a 1980s Atlantic City casino, he’s going to bulldoze the whole thing and put up a parking garage.”

Sources on the ground report that the capital city of Nuuk has already begun rebranding itself as “Trump Ice & Golf,” while frantic town elders are currently attempting to hide the country’s universal healthcare system in a shed before inspectors arrive. At press time, the Prime Minister of Denmark was seen nervously checking the exchange rate for the krone against a pallet of Trump Steaks.