Welcome back to the theater of the absurd, where the script changes daily but the actors stay just as hollow. We’re being told now that the man who wanted to build a wall visible from Mars is suddenly the second coming of Mother Teresa because he didn’t turn Tehran into a parking lot. It’s a touching narrative, if you’ve recently had a lobotomy.

The legacy media—bless their hearts—are clutching their pearls because their favorite 'warmonger' narrative hit a minor snag. They spent years waiting for the mushroom cloud, and when the fuse didn't light, they acted like the guy simply forgot his keys. Meanwhile, the 'restraint' we’re seeing isn't some deep-seated philosophical shift toward pacifism. It’s transactional.

Trump isn’t 'sparing' the Ayatollah out of a sudden burst of humanitarianism or a newfound respect for international law. He’s doing the math. War is messy. War is expensive. War requires a level of attention to detail that doesn’t involve 2:00 a.m. social media posts. Why go to the trouble of an actual invasion when you can just hover the threat over their heads like a cloud of industrial smog? It’s cheaper, it keeps the base guessing, and it ensures you’re still the lead story on every evening broadcast from here to London.

On the other side, we have the Ayatollah, playing his part in this global pantomime. Both sides need a villain to keep their domestic audiences scared enough to keep the donations and the loyalty flowing. It’s a symbiotic relationship of mutual loathing that works perfectly until someone accidentally presses the wrong button.

So, spare me the 'peacemaker' rebranding. It’s not about peace; it’s about the optics of power without the labor of governance. We’re not watching history; we’re watching a season finale where the writers couldn't decide on a cliffhanger. The pundits call it 'strategic patience,' but I call it checking the balance sheet. Real war ruins the luxury branding. Don't worry, though—the ratings are great, and in the end, that’s the only body count anyone in Washington or Mar-a-Lago actually cares about.