Breaking News: Reality is crumbling

The Daily Absurdity

Unfiltered. Unverified. Unbelievable.

Home/Politics

The West’s Slow-Motion Suicide: How Migration Cuts Proved We’d Rather Starve Than Share

Buck Valor
Written by
Buck ValorPersiflating Non-Journalist
Sunday, June 22, 2025
Share this story
A dark satirical digital painting of a majestic but crumbling stone archway with a massive 'CLOSED' sign hanging from it. In the foreground, a group of elderly politicians in expensive, tattered suits are patting each other on the back while standing in an empty, weed-choked field. The sky is a bruised purple and orange, symbolizing a sunset on a dying empire. High contrast, sharp details, cynical atmosphere.

The West has finally achieved its ultimate, long-gestating dream: isolation. For decades, the political class has used migration as a convenient, multi-purpose piñata, and now that they’ve finally managed to break it, they are shocked to find that the insides were actually holding up the roof. Across the developed world, the drawbridges are being hauled up with a frantic, metallic screech. From the southern border of the United States to the jagged coasts of the Mediterranean and the bureaucratic fortresses of the United Kingdom, the numbers of new arrivals are plummeting. The politicians are taking their victory laps in a stadium that is slowly collapsing because there is no one left to maintain the foundations. It is a masterclass in the human ability to shoot oneself in the foot and then complain about the cost of bandages.

The genius of the modern politician lies in their innate ability to solve a perceived problem by creating a verified catastrophe. We are told that slashing migration is a victory for 'national sovereignty'—a word that, in our current context, translates roughly to 'the right to go bankrupt in our own native tongue.' This isn't just a policy shift; it is a demographic suicide pact. The Right, driven by a mixture of primitive xenophobia and an almost religious devotion to the 'Great Replacement' conspiracy, has spent years screaming that the castle walls were being breached. They wanted the drawbridge up, and now that they’ve got it, they are starving inside the courtyard, wondering why the harvest hasn't been brought in and why the price of a head of lettuce has surpassed the hourly wage of a middle-manager.

Not to be outdone in the arena of stupidity, the Left has played its part with its usual flair for performative hypocrisy. They spent years weeping crocodile tears for the downtrodden, positioning themselves as the compassionate alternative to the 'barbarians' at the gate. However, the moment those same migrants actually arrived in their 'sanctuary' zip codes, the compassion evaporated faster than a campaign promise. Suddenly, the logistics were 'unsustainable,' and the 'burden' was too great for their precious infrastructure to bear. The Left wants the moral high ground of the savior without the physical presence of the saved. They want a diverse society in theory, but in practice, they want a service class that remains conveniently invisible and geographically distant. Now that the flow has slowed to a trickle, they are left with nothing but their own hollow rhetoric and a crumbling tax base.

The economic reality is that the West has become an aging, decrepit retirement home. We are a collection of civilizations that have forgotten how to reproduce, largely because the economic systems we’ve built have made the cost of raising a child roughly equivalent to purchasing a small private island. Our solution to this lack of internal growth was to import it, but then we decided that the 'optics' of that growth were too uncomfortable for the geriatric voters who still hold the levers of power. We are now witnessing the 'Great Labor Vanishing Act.' The very people who spent their weekends protesting against 'foreigners taking our jobs' are now the same people writing angry letters to the editor because their local pharmacy is closed three days a week and their surgery has been postponed for the fifth time. It turns out that the jobs being 'stolen' were the grueling, essential tasks that the domestic population is far too entitled, or perhaps just too old, to perform.

As the migration numbers crater, the consequences are becoming impossible to ignore. The social contract is, at its heart, a glorified pyramid scheme. It only works if there are more people at the bottom paying in than there are at the top drawing out. By slashing migration, the West has effectively inverted the pyramid. We have a massive, heavy cap of retirees demanding pensions, subsidized healthcare, and infinite end-of-life care, all resting on the narrowing shoulders of a shrinking youth population. We have pulled the plug on our own life support system to save a few pennies on the electricity bill, and we are currently staring at the flatline with a look of confused indignation.

The irony is almost too perfect. We are watching the slow-motion collapse of a region so convinced of its own indispensability that it decided to stop functioning out of pure spite. The politicians will, of course, find someone else to blame. They will point the finger at 'global economic shifts' or 'unforeseen demographic trends.' They will never admit that they traded the future for a three-point bump in the polls among people who think the twentieth century never ended. In the end, the West is getting exactly what it asked for: a quiet, orderly, and entirely avoidable decline. As the silence settles over the empty construction sites and the understaffed hospitals, we can finally enjoy our 'sovereignty' in peace. There’s no one left to bother us, and soon enough, there won't be anyone left at all. If a species is this committed to its own obsolescence, it’s probably for the best.

This story is an interpreted work of social commentary based on real events. Source: The Economist

Distribute the Absurdity

Enjoying the Apocalypse?

Journalism is dead, but our server costs are very much alive. Throw a coin to your local cynic to keep the lights on while we watch the world burn.

Tax Deductible? Probably Not.

Comments (0)

Loading comments...